What God Knows

We've all asked that question, Why would a loving God let that happen? Why would God allow pain and suffering? God knows why.

Jerry didn’t really know if he was talking to God or not.  The voice was his own, though of course he didn’t know what Gods voice sounded like, deep and authoritative he figured.   Jerry’s own voice was not so authoritative, but when it was the words of God speaking it sounded somewhat more so.

And if it was God, he didn’t really tell him anything he didn’t already know.  Jerry had been talking to God for many years and had already asked about lottery numbers and World Series winners.  There was no answer from God, although Jerry thought he did one time hear God snicker, as if to say, Come on Jerry, You know I’m an Angels fan.

But whenever Jerry talked with God, he found answers.  Maybe the answers were coming from God or from Jerry, but they were answers, and they always seem to fit in with Jerry’s idea of what God was all about. 

“Should I look for a new job God?”

“Are you unhappy in this one Jerry?”

Not really, I just don’t feel like I am being used to my full potential.”

“Used by who Jerry?  Your employer or me? “  God had an annoying habit of answering a question with a question.

“Are you using me in this job God?”

“Are you allowing me to use you, Jerry?”

And so it would go.  But ultimately Jerry would find the answers that he was looking for.  Not always the answers he wanted to hear, if he allowed himself to hear them.  It was remarkably easy to block God  from speaking to you Jerry had discovered.  It didn’t take much effort at all.  You would think that if God really wanted to talk to you, he could make himself heard.  Maybe something as simple as a burning bush.  Earthquakes were always an eye opener.    Or just a big booming voice, “Jerry!  It is I the Lord God Almighty!  Hear Me!”

That never happened though.  God never reached out to Jerry.  Maybe he did to others, or maybe they just said he did.  Jerry was always a bit skeptical of those who would claim to have a vision from God that told them to…whatever.  But that was a whole different topic.

In Jerry’s life, God didn’t interrupt.  Not once did God call, e-mail or text or reach out to Jerry in any way whatsoever.  There were no miraculous signs or vision.  But any time Jerry wanted to talk, God was there. Instantly.  And today, Jerry needed God to be there instantly.

“God?”

“Yes.” Instantly.

“You know what I want to talk about.”

“Yes I do Jerry.”

“So?”

“So, you want to ask me why Allison is sick.  And what is going to happen to her.”  God said in a tone that seemed very fatherly and understanding.  Jerry heard God, sigh, as a father would sigh before beginning an explanation to a child that was going to be difficult.

"Yes, that is exactly it, Jerry spoke to God with a combination of anger and tears,”

What possible reason could you have for giving a beautiful 8 year old girl leukemia? Where is the goodness in that?  Where is the purpose?  I have always trusted you, now why the hell would you go and do this to my beautiful little girl?

God didn’t respond right away.  He waited, knowing that the way Jerry was thinking there was no answer he could give that would satisfy him.  God didn’t argue.  God was always right, there was no need to argue. 

God knew that Jerry knew this.  And God knew that there was no “logical” explanation that Jerry’s mind could comprehend at this point.  So God was silent, for a time.

“Well?” Jerry said.

“Jerry,” God said in a tone that at the same time conveyed compassion, understanding yet authority, “You know that I know exactly how you feel right now.”

God’s emphasis on the word “know” was spoken in such a way that Jerry could not dispute it.

Jerry was silent for a long time.  God waited.  The anger and the pain Jerry felt swirled around inside of him and he wanted to lash out.  He wanted to do something.  To fix it.  To make it better.  To understand.  How could he explain the why’s to a little 8 year old girl if he couldn’t understand it himself.  Even if he did understand, If God were to share the why, the big picture, how could he explain to his child why her illness, maybe even her death was part of a plan.  Jerry dwelt on that thought for too long.

“Part of a f*****g plan?” he shouted out loud as he slammed his fist on the kitchen table where he sat.  The tears started to flow from the loving, compassionate father who wanted nothing more that to see his little Allison angel live a long happy life. 

In time Jerry regained some composure and simply said to God, “Talk to me.” It’s what God wanted to hear.

"Jerry, "God began in a soft caring voice, "I want you to feel right now how much you love your little girl.  Feel it in your heart."

Jerry did as God asked and sniffed as he held back the tears.

"Jerry, that is how I also feel about you and Allison.  I love you both that much."

“Then how could you… "Jerry’s voice trailed off.

"Jerry, just as there are things about the world that your little girl couldn’t understand if you explained them, also are there things that you can’t understand right now if I explained them to you.”

God continued, “Jerry, would you ever do anything to harm Allison?”

Jerry without words replied to God who new the answer.

“Then how can you think that I would?” God said.

Jerry strained to comprehend and find comfort in Gods words, “ Are you saying she’s going to be alright?  She’s not going to die?”

"You already know that I will not tell you what is going to happen in the future.  But I will ask you a question.  Do you think that I would create a beautiful soul, a soul like Allison’s and have it exist for just 8 years of life on Earth and then be gone forever?"

"Jerry, understand that I want every soul to be with me forever.  To live with me forever.  I will give everyone that opportunity. But it is their choice.  I won’t come to you, but if you come to me, I will be there, instantly.  By talking with me, by trusting me Jerry you have made your decision.  Allison will have that choice to make too."

“But she’s only 8 years old.” Jerry said as if it were a question.

“I know.” God said.