A Certain Little Book

                                                                      A CERTAIN LITTLE BOOK

All the girls went crazy

For a certain little book

But it didn't have no pictures 

So it wasn't worth a look

You know the one I'm on about

It's 50 Shades of Grey

Gone are the good old days

Of having tumbles in the hay

Now ii's all about spanking

Being tied up on a bed

It's interesting to find out

What fills a woman's head

I bet if you said let's try it

She give an awkward smile

Until you pulled out handcuffs

And then she'd run a mile

You might find one who's brave enough

To say "I'd fancy that

Please smack me on my bum

With a table tennis bat"

They'd pop along to ASDA

For their weekly shopping trip

But they wouldn't come out with groceries

They'd come out with a whip

She wants to go to B & Q

To get some tape and some rope

She wants to tie me to the bed

But she hasn't got a hope

No I've never even read the book

Or even have it on my shelf

I think if my girlfriend saw it

It might affect my health