Introduction: To Be An Explorer

I try to stay lost these days.
Most days I know I am successful in this pursuit, between my recognitions of hallucinations as memory. Those times when I think I have arrived at home are the risky ones. Say not that home has no merit, for it can be a good place to dream in rest, but stay too long and the medium of your dreams will soon become so bland that they may evade direction entirely. This state of near-perpetual fear that I live in is bringing in light always to be snuffed out by openness. It is that light which is created by perceived separation. Order shines itself out into the sea and us eyes peek - do we find what we are looking for? Hardly! We forget almost immediately that the sea is swallowing us up; getting lost in the illuminated turmoil of each wave. Perhaps even some see those waves as a glorious mosaic in slow motion, and this can be a source of awe - that is for sure - but this satisfaction is too easy to find carelessness as its companion.

So I go out into that sea without a ship, without a lamp, when I can. These years before now have seen me resurfacing for air too soon. Over and over and over I pop above the water, not realizing that it is only if I weight myself to drown that I can reach the bottom. So now I am tying the knot upon my ankle and setting it upon a heaviness that I could never have conceived of as a younger me. I am prepared to throw this thing in, as I am still only now breaking my grasp on the shore of this past year (that shore which dumped me into seas of its own, though smaller and perhaps avoidant of the main sea that I have tried to stay afloat in all my life).

Oh, but I am getting ahead of myself. My name is Ganik Ondeimos. I am here, elsewhere, and nowhere all at the same time. To you, this probably sounds like nothing more than linguistic foolery to take up space but by it I share with you an essence of my being. The truth of my existence is what and where you take it for. Use me, as you will, for your own diving. Or perhaps for your own floatation device.