The future can be a strange mistress

The Abbey is a dark place during the winter and filled with sadness and pain for one individual who sees light even in the darkest of times after something shows her the light!

'Dear god,

I hope you can hear me I really do. Sometimes it feels like you miss me out when you watch over everyone I am nothing to you, but at other times it feels like you are watching me deliberately just to see me fail. Is that my role in life? Am I solely there for your amusement or do you have another thing lined up for because what you have lined up for me at the moment isn't working at all. I have no friends or life outside this place; I am the joke of everyone around me; the one no-one cares about; the fat one... the ugly one. Surely I am wrong, surely you must see me and want me to grow to be a strong person but I cannot see it. Sometimes I wonder if you are out there and if you do care about me because your warm nurturing hold seemed more like a harsh cold slap. Maybe that is why my parents abandoned me, coz they knew what I would become and didn't want the shame or the embarrassment to call me their daughter. Everyone here the young and the old all seem to fulfilling some inner purpose in life, something that seems to be laid out in front of their very eyes as you push them forward with your tenderly hand and kick me out of their path. I care for others; well at least I try my best. I admit, I am not always the best thing to see when times are tough but I try sometimes too much. Sometimes I get too involved and end up causing more harm than good and sometimes I don't do enough to help them. I let my friends down by not being there for them and now I am truthfully paying the price for my ignorance. They were hurt but I couldn't... didn't help them and that is my single most regret. The girl who did nothing was what they called me as the laughed away their pain and suffering as I sat in the corner and wept to the sound of their victorious screams. Maybe it is all a test, maybe you think I am more resilient than the rest but I am sorry, you are sadly mistaken. Whatever you have planned for me had better get better otherwise your plans with change and I won't be in any of them. Please help me, or just send me a sign that you are listening to me.

Amen'

She raised he head and glared at the altar that lay in front of her eyes. She lowered her pale hands laying them on her knees; glaring into the stained glass window above her head. She stood slowly; her fiery red hair swinging over her shoulders falling onto her back. The candles beamed light across the entirety of the room fighting away the shadows where the sun was absent. The crash of rain against the windows sent a shiver of winter throughout the room making it feel neglected and unloved.

A shiver coursed up her spine spreading a barrage of goose-bumps erupting every inch of her fair skin. She rubbed her face hoping to warm it up from the cruel grip of the rain but her cold hands cause more cold mountains to erupt over the snowy body of the girl. The black dress she wore representing her faith was not protecting her against the arctic conditions. She turned allowing both her dress and her hair to spin with her landing seconds after she had fully stopped, as if viewing it in slow motion. She walked forward, her bare feet leaving marks in the ice laden floor. Wooden benches sat in winters icy grasp; frozen momentarily in time. As she passed the final seats the candles on the table next to the altar went out, plunging the room into darkness. A sudden shaft of light swallowed the girl up whole- the rain gradually coming to a stop. Her shadow lay in front of her-imprinted on the wall, twice the size of her. The outline of the shadow was strange and completely different to what it should have been. The shadow had its hand's on her hips standing tall above the rest. Her head was held up right as if proud of herself. Her slim figure created an hourglass shape. The girl looked down at herself only seeing the fat stomach she endured every day. The shadow's hands fell to her sides no mimicking the confused girl on the cold floor. She pulled her hand to her sides grabbing at her fat and the shadow followed but could grab anything at all instead the shadow's hand slipped away from her body. When the girl looked down her hand had followed the shadow; simply falling to the side. She poked her stomach but no fat was prominent. She pulled open he dress revealing a small figure withered by fear and loathing-bones showing under her skin. Suddenly she realised the image of being fat had all been a lie. Just to make sure she turned to her side again showing her flat stomach. She gathered her composure and saw her hands shrunken and decrepit. She ran to the mirror next to the candles showing her face to have aged about 60 years. Her face was drawn and frail looking. She raised one of her feeble hands to the greying hairs which like her hands; thin and mangled. She flailed to the middle of the room and faced the light; arms stretched out to her sides. She opened her mouth to shout out but her voice box too had aged considerably so no sound was produced. She fell to her knees and bowed her head to the floor closing her eyes.

Birds called out as the light intensity grew. She opened her eyes looking to her hands which had returned to their normal state no longer stricken by age but new and youthful. She rushed to the mirror which showed her as she was but in her own eyes she appeared slimmer however not as slim as what she had just been. She gazed at her stomach which wasn't perfect but looked fine not fat which she had once believed. She peeped back at the mirror in the hope that nothing had happened again. This time she had aged but this time was much more graceful. Moreover, people slowly appeared in the background of the mirror behind her. A man with dark grey hair moved towards her and when close enough rested a hand upon her shoulder and smiled at her. She smiled back; her warm face showed much more emotion than the withered old lady she saw a few minutes ago. Her hair was still grey but was not dried up and faded as before. Slowly the winkles and grey hairs began to diminish until she was left staring at her normal self again. She had never realised how beautiful she really was. Retreating back to the centre of the room where the ray of light was she kneeled; right at the edge. Her head was raised gazing at where the beam of light had come from. It was emanating from the hallo of a red headed woman whose head was solemn and drawn. The girl stood and bathed herself in the light once again this time allowing herself to be lost in its warm embrace. She span in circles allowing her hair to once again float behind her then stopped facing the door. Her shadow was there once again this time it had no mind of its own and was completely in sync with her movements. Behind her a pair of large wings appeared sprouting from the centre of her back. The girl stood in shock until the door of the room swung open. The room instantaneously dimmed down: the candles flickered back on, the sun disappeared behind the clouds and the rain pelted to windows once again. There in the doorway stood the Sister of the covenant.

'Come Mary or you will end up catching your death...' The sister spoke gently, 'What's wrong? Looks like you have seen a ghost or something... or-'

'You wouldn't believe me even I told you what has just happened.' Mary smiled to the Sister as walked forward into her embrace.

Author's Note

PS. Thanks for reading :) If you can comment or anything then feel free to do so!!!
PSS. I am not religious but for some reason found inspiration to write about it.