Silent Death

Lack of oxygen....lack of love....death

Run the water
Nice and hot
Slip in and under
To my quiet world
Where I am safe
Nothing can harm me
Or so I like to think
One
Two
Three
Peace at last
Nothing to bother me
As I close my eyes
Darkness and silence
Save the beating of my heart
Which bleeds over you
Showing me your face
With each beat
Four
Five
Six
Thoughts collide
In this sick silence
Racing memories of us
Going round in my head
Tearing through my veins
Heart beating faster
As a deadly thought
Takes on a new life
Seven
Eight
Nine
Hands clench into fists
I want to scream
Let out all the pain
Let water flood my lungs
And whisk me away
To true darkness
To true silence
To true relief
Ten
Silent scream
The end of my life
A quiet death
As I enter nothingness
The only sign of my passing
A small pop
As my voiceless voice
Hits the surface

Reviews

[Jessica]

Very powerful and descriptive. I liked it. Great job.

[Julie Beth]

wow i loved this it is well written and you were discriptive and i just loved the whole thig you did an outstanding job keep it up :)

[Sunflower 20]

this is really well written. i loved your use of the 10 seconds before her life ended. the emotions are really strong and heart felt. well done!

[trainwreck]

Another cool piece. keep em coming!

[Shelby]

Very powerful The use of the counting, intermingled with the lines, was interesting and added to the power of this piece. I like how you used silence and subued noises as the description of death, instead of bangs and whistles, because it felt more honest and sad. The "voiceless voice" was very cool (i like those sort of descriptors, they fascinate me) and mysterious. Also, the building of tension was beautifully done, especially when it ended so softly. Really sad, lovely poem.

[.........]

Whoa, powerful ending. "As my voiceless voice Hits the surface". I admire that statement more than any other in the entire poem. Very evocative!

[Denise]

Wonderful poem, and to me as I read it the tempo seems to increase after each section of counting..or maybe that's just the way I interpret it and so I read it in that way, either way it was deep and I loved it.

[Michael Davis]

Fresh look to an old concept and it's good.

[akapr17other]

The short lines make the poem so much more powerful. It's eerie and excellently written. Great job! A favourite of mine.

[sarah]

WOw this is a sad but really powerful poem you used all the right words to make it a really strong poem! I really love it