Turned Away

Here I am, oh loving Father

I come to You for guidance

Fall into Your open arms

Heart crying out for love

Soul crying out for safety

Your hold on me it tightens

And only too late do I realize

The judgment in Your eyes

Only too late do I peel back the guise

And realize

The Lamb has turned lion

Fangs drip of righteousness

Claws grip my skin

Attempting to rip through

To rip this sin out of my being

I fall to my knees

As You hold up The Book

The Book labeling all that I love

As unclean, as damning, as sin

The Book that condemns me

To an eternity without love

Simply because I dared to love

Your eyes pin me down

Righteous spirit washing over me

Inciting guilt and loathing

Burning fire surrounds me

Attempting to cleanse my soul

But all is in vain

For I see no wrong

The lion circles me

I plead and beg

Voice cracking and soul screaming

“Please just love me!

Please forgive me

You made me this way!

Why don't You love me?!

Why don't You love me?!

I loved You!

I love You!”

But it's too late

The lion lunges

And I am swallowed whole

Falling into eternal darkness

Eternal loneliness

Judged for my love

I dared to find happiness

I dared to step out of line

To turn my back on what I knew was right

I gave up my safety and security

I gave up my family

All for love, for what my heart called for

All for what felt right

Yet here I am

The Father has turned His back

Casting me into darkness

Averting His eyes from my sin

His daughter that gave into earthly ways

While still crying out to Him

My soul cries for You

Those songs in dedication

The fragile pages of Your Word

Those days of mission work for You

That feeling of being washed with You

Completely immersed in LOVE

To feel Your smile

To almost hear You say

“This is My child in whom I am pleased.”

Like a man dying of thirst

I seek You out

Holy Spirit for my soul

Bread and wine for the spirit

Sliding into those familiar church pews

Eyes closing as I drink in those songs

Those words

Those verses

Hands opening as I welcome You

But You merely ghost by

And I hear echoes of times gone by

Where You loved me

Where You welcomed me

Instead, I'm a stranger in Your House

Sentenced to eternal longing

For Your LOVE