Lost at Sea

I’m a sailor lost at sea

Floundering and drowning

In a deep sea of misery

A deep sea of self-loathing and hatred

Struggling to keep alive my will to live

All the while being circled

By dangerous predators

Their eyes cold and calculating

Sizing me up

Waiting

They know I’ll soon give in

And welcome the bloody death awaiting me

My eyes turn towards the heavens

Begging for what god there is to help me

Crying out for mercy

But the answer is silence

And where the god doesn’t answer the demons do

Cursing me with a crystal clear playback

Of my last days

 

My ship had been a beauty

A well-built vessel envied by all

For both its beauty and grandeur

Her and I had sailed through many storms

Braving them and laughing all the while

Handling them with ease

Treating hurricanes like mere drizzles

For we were in tune with each other

Knew what had to be done

Before it even came up

On days when the sailing was perfect

I cleaned her and polished her

Giving her all my love and adoration

For she was my world

My safe haven in every storm

And such things require upkeep

 

Our last trip…..I lost the northern star

And my bearings became nothing but guesses

My ship, she held her own

Braving the dangerous waters I had steered us to

She rocked and rolled with the waves

Yawing this way and that

As water sloshed up her sides

And beat at her body

But she was strong

And we carried on

Holding on by the skin of our teeth

 

The clouds held up for days

Keeping us lost on the dangerous sea

Day after day I searched for safety

Refusing to lose hope

Knowing that things would clear up

After all

We had been through it all before

And she was my vessel

Nothing could sink her

We were an unbeatable team

 

And then the clouds cleared

 

What god there is had given us mercy

Only to steal away all hopes of tomorrow

For before us were rocks upon rocks

Jagged, toothy things

Making the sea a great gaping mouth

Which we were doomed to enter

I threw my arms across the helm

And cursed myself for being so blind

I had steered her astray

And in doing so

I had doomed her

As the rocks loomed closer

She went on without a word

Seeming to have accepted her fate

And as I jumped from her arms

I begged her forgiveness

 

So here I am now

A sailor lost at sea

I refuse to leave the grave of my loved one

For she never would have left me

What god there is has turned his face

And given me over to the demons

I can feel their cold hands grasping at me

I can hear their whispers

“It’s your fault.

She trusted you.

You ruined everything.”

The predators circle closer

For they know my time is coming

My will to live is leaving

As I wish the same death upon myself

That I had cursed my darling with

In hopes that I earn her forgiveness

Author's Note

This might be sloppily written, but it's the first thing I've been able to write since my partner left me.