You have to let go.

One day, I was out for an afternoon walk, when I noticed the old woman who lived not far from where I did. She was a rather quiet neighbor, but I'd take that over a loud party animal any day,I saw boxes outside her house, and she told me she was moving houses, I figured I'd help her out, she tried to refuse my help, but I insisted, as I was always taught to help the elderly.

The woman didn't talk much after I insisted helping her. She was usually looking down while packing her things, she didn't even look at me while we passed each other in the hallways of the house. I thought nothing of it, as i'm not the kind of person who judges people over little actions. I thought "Maybe she couldn't afford the rent and liked this house better than her future home?" I shrugged it off, and let it be her business, not mine.

As I was moving stuff into the boxes, I found many old dolls and teddy bears, along with a room that was, what I presumed, for toddlers, as if she was expecting a new arrival. The room looked as if nobody had been in it for years, the woman told me to leave that room alone, I didn't question her as it was her house. I closed the door and made my way into the attic, as I passed by the old woman, she looked as if she was worried about something.

I climbed the stairs into the old, dusty attic, only lit by the sun which shined into the window, as I packed the remaining boxes and had them downstairs, beside the window, sitting down, was a young boy, no older than 8, dressed in a suit, holding a newborn baby in a blanket, he stared at me with fear in his eyes. Knowing we were about to leave to the new household, I assumed the boy was her grandson, and told him to come along, he didn't move an inch, he just stared at me in fear.

I gave up in anger that he wouldn't follow me, so as I stored the remaining boxes on the back of the woman's truck, I looked up at the window of the attic to see nothing, I thought aloud "Finally, the kid is coming out." The woman looked at me and asked "What kid?" I responded with "The kid in a suit holding the baby, isn't that your grandson?" The woman looked away from me, sighed sadly, and drove off without uttering a word. In confusion, I just continued my walk.

As I made my way back, I saw the man who lived beside her sitting on his porch. I thought "Maybe he knows something about it." I asked to him about the old woman, and the kids upstairs, and also why she was even moving.

The man responded with "That was Susan Harris, she had two children, Jimmy and Nick, Jimmy was seven years old, and Nick was barely one." I responded with "Was?". He looked at the ground while saying "It was Sunday, her husband answered a call from her parents, them saying they were going to turn him in for beating her and the kids, He responded with "I'll show you abusive." The man went insane, shooting Susan, and making his way to the kids room, where he shot both the children, first Nick, then Jimmy, who was getting ready for church.".

After wiping away tears, the man said "Susan and the kids were rushed to the hospital after the cops arrived at the scene, Susan survived, but her children were gone. After all of that, she turned into a rather quiet neighbor, As her and I were friends, she once told me that she was hearing voices of her kids trying to talk to her, she could even talk back, even in her dreams."

After that the man got up from his chair, and before walking back into his home, he muttered "I guess sometimes you just have to let go."

Reviews

[olla]

this is a good story line and you did well as far as you took it.. there are places where you can flesh it out and places where your sentence structure could be improved.. you are young.. I don't want you to be discouraged.. keep writing.. and read your work aloud.. you will hear what you need to..

[Rana]

This is poignant, profound, deliciously paranormal and quite perfectly written. It's one your best writings ever. Love it.

[Luna Zerimar]

Sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes you just have to let go.

Why is it easier to say/type than do?

[Dark Empress]

This is good, you could have more description in the store. Paint the scene more, let us see what you are. It is a really good story though. Keep up the writing

[Saddam]

This is dark and beautiful story. It is it but very interesting from start to end.

[Silent Wolf]

So, in the first paragraph, some of the sentences could be broken up in some places. For example, the last sentence could go "She was a rather quiet neighbor, but I'd take that over a party animal anyday. I saw boxes outside of her house, and when she told me she was moving houses, I figured I'd help her out. I was always told to help out the elderly. She tried to refuse my help, but I insisted."

I really like the story, though. :) it's mostly just little grammatical things like what I stated above that would make the story flow smoother. Also, a few little details here and there to slow down the pace a bit (or maybe that was just because I'm a fast reader...), and a few of the placements of phrases could be moved, like I did above. You don't have to use what I wrote if you don't want to - that's just the way I would put it. But still, this is pretty damn good. :) (pardon my language)

Keep on writing! I'd honestly love to see more on this story (if you can)...

[Dark Poet]

This would have made a great movie actually. Terrifying. I also saw nore than just a horror story though. With the last line "i guess sometimes you just have to let go", was really important. People hold on so tightly to things. This was greatly written, and I got more out of it than you'd think.

[Joey Calvo]

That was pretty cool! I feel like you could probably extend it to a longer story...maybe even a book? I really do like the concept though!