Crash Boom Bang

A face like broken pavement
And a voice like a hacksaw
Golden teeth and gory sludge lipstick
Thickly drawl out enough
"ain't",
"mmmmmm-hmmmmmmm",
and "oh, honey, please"
To drop the IQ of the cheapest
Second Street w***e
A body like a hermaphrodite
Clothed in movement restricting
Studded gold pleather
Her life is a tragic accident
And I find myself staring

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

"Golden teeth" fails me every time I try to like it. Sorry. It's generic. It's done. Hacksaw voice kills. Wow. I feel like you're trying to make this poem more than it is in the last two lines. Your tone is kind of"i don't give a s**t about her" in the other lines. All of a sudden, you're morning her tragedy and the MC is into her? Staring because she's butt ugly? Because she's a w***e and he's a virgin? LOL. I'm kidding on that last bit. But seriously good material.. The IQ line to the second street w***e is pretty magnif. The clothed in movement is strange syntax-wise. Maybe: "A body like a herm(to make it match the beat of previous end "w***e")/Clothed in restriction motions(cuts verbosity)/gold pleather studs(keeps your meter going as well as speed up pacing) Her life and on is far too sentimental. It's bipolar.

[Brittany]

Raw and I liked it. Good visuals.

[Rhea752]

me gusta

[Owlgirl]

Truly defying gravity, this is amazing!!!

[Dayran]

She defies gravity.

[Pax]

wow, the imagery you painted is great.

[Alm]

I find myself struggling to understand, I don't know if it's just because of my age or my inability to interpret things I cannot relate to--wait, that's related to my age. However, I see the imagery. I do like the last to lines a lot, though.

[Barbara Walker]

The imagery in this is fantastic! Is her life a tragic accident or are her looks a tragedy? I am afraid I'd catch myself staring, too!

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I like the visually descriptive stuff, gold teeth and all. I struggle a wee bit with what she is saying. Perhaps situational context would clarify it for me, but then again, I think any effort at situational context might be a disservice to this poem. I think my failure to understand is most probably on me.

[Destinyxi]

Golden teeth made me raise a brow haha. Not a bad poem :)

[Talismanic]

The title's hard to miss. Kaboom :) ...I love the first two lines and the final two, the similes are a good lead in. As for perspective, I thought the last line brought in a new dimension because even the speaker, aware of her reality, almost her advocate, can't help but stare. It's compelling stuff but maybe not as succinct yet as it has to be. Keep going... :)