Crash Boom Bang

A face like broken pavement
And a voice like a hacksaw
Golden teeth and gory sludge lipstick
Thickly drawl out enough
"ain't",
"mmmmmm-hmmmmmmm",
and "oh, honey, please"
To drop the IQ of the cheapest
Second Street w***e
A body like a hermaphrodite
Clothed in movement restricting
Studded gold pleather
Her life is a tragic accident
And I find myself staring

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

"Golden teeth" fails me every time I try to like it. Sorry. It's generic. It's done. Hacksaw voice kills. Wow. I feel like you're trying to make this poem more than it is in the last two lines. Your tone is kind of"i don't give a s**t about her" in the other lines. All of a sudden, you're morning her tragedy and the MC is into her? Staring because she's butt ugly? Because she's a w***e and he's a virgin? LOL. I'm kidding on that last bit. But seriously good material.. The IQ line to the second street w***e is pretty magnif. The clothed in movement is strange syntax-wise. Maybe: "A body like a herm(to make it match the beat of previous end "w***e")/Clothed in restriction motions(cuts verbosity)/gold pleather studs(keeps your meter going as well as speed up pacing) Her life and on is far too sentimental. It's bipolar.

[The Refined Poet]

I found it intense, but ending on a touch of humor and odd infatuation with her. nice write.

[Celestial Witch Child]

Thank you. (:

[linear]

Why do you stare? is it because you care, do you dare to see what lies within the glitter, if it's sweet or bitter, if the vacuum in those eyes can suck you in, or is it the horror of knowing that the creature could be a mirror reflection of you?
enjoyed :O)

[G!o]

Wow this is so intense and lovely with great imagery. This is my best read of the day. I love how twisted it is.

Gangstah-love in high format.

Urgh... NOT

You did painted a still-live of what catched your eye.

Wonderful work poet!


E.L.

[Allen Smuckler]

great descriptive use of words...Your imagery, almost scary, if not so real.
It's amazing how we view people from afar..until at last we see
refocus, and hopefully better understand the other side..
Excellent write Newspaper
Honest and sincere
allen

[Sagar Waingankar]

Mixed ideas ... intentionally jotted down though! It happens more often when things are moving quite fast around us! You can't explain more than what you never meant for it! haha so are thoughts ... so are humans who dare to think! Take care!

[RachelReaper]

Brutal, raw, and gritty. If you can't resist falling off the edge, be ready to crash and crash hard. This is the outcome. I don't think I've read a poem quite like this before. Coolio.

[Nontani]

I'm not sure why everyone is struggling to understand the meaning of this poem- it's a bit ambiguous. Is she tragically ugly or just plain tragic? Is the man necessarily a virgin and the women a w***e? He could simply be disgusted or even intrigued. It may not even be a man- it could be a sister, mother, friend, anyone. The point is, this can mean numerous things but essentially, it means what you want it to mean- end of story.

I loved the fact that the woman's appearance reflected her ugly circumstance. Fabulous.

[Celestial Witch Child]

(:

[Shaken Not Stirred]

I was beginning to think this poem was about me till we got to the gold studs, nice work!

[Fréyjä Helv..]

Sounds like an indie song. Love it. Brutally eccentric... I love how gory it sounds... nice work... Thanks for the add... :)