Echoes

Attempting Surrealist poetry for a contest. Automatic writing.

Gardens of embers floating
through time and means of
which I do not know,
cease the every-weary eyes
of the unloved, much like
a child stops it all
willingness to die can be
great strength when life
is easy to live,
like a scratch and a crawl
can be heroic in the
face of life unwanted
unjustified surety poisons
us all and the death of a friend
goes unnoticed
but a castle of glass
is never transparent as
we fill it with useless fixtures
tell me again why the
rain isn't loved and I'll show you
the depths of your fear

Reviews

[charlie]

Gaia, I think this is really good.
Tremendously vivid, animated, and I dare say irrefutable.
"every-weary eyes of the unloved" is moving in it's lyricism;
"willingness to die can be great strength" is reaffirming;
"a castle of glass is never transparent as we fill with useless fixtures" is a line insightful as it is accurate;
and your last three lines are both promising and profound.

I shared this with my significant other, who thought the theme dire and despondent. Though I disagree: I see it as bright and burning with potentiality. "Gardens of embers" . What a magical and potent place to be.
A brilliant result on your automatic writing exercise.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you, Charlie! I didn't feel dire and despondent when doing this exercise but that does seem to be my natural default, so you never know😉 Thank you for sharing it, that is a big compliment.

For me, I feel like it's about strength, potential, being present, and reaffirming that all life has meaning, even when it is hard and you yearn to be someone/something else. But I don't really know because it was brain vomit and no forethought went into it 😊

As always, thank you for your kind and thoughtful review!

[barleygirl]

This is very good. I can’t believe you did this as automatic writing. There’s an amazing flow thru-out & in a few spots, literally brilliant word crafting: “a castle of glass . . . fill it with useless fixtures” and the last 3 lines are mind-boggling in how sassy the questioning feels, as if the words are being spit out angrily, except that the words themselves are kinda playful, so that contrast feels fun & interesting (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much😊 This was a fun experiment and I had noooo clue what was going to come out. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[alanwgraham]

Your poem conveys a mood of great uncertainty in this life - your line 'Unjustified surety poisons
us all' resonates with me. The exact meaning of individual lines is opaque to me but you've painted something very meaningful and beautiful.'
Great work.
Regards,
Alan

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you! You are en pointe when you talk about the mood rather than the individual lines. Since it was automatic writing, I think the best way to experience it is through mood and tone. Thanks so much!

[Amidrea Ming]

i love it :C

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much 🙂

[Ranger Kessel]

Willingness to die can be
great strength when life
is easy to live
like a scratch and a crawl
can be heroic in the
face of life unwanted
Unjustified surety poisons
us all and the death of a friend
goes unnoticed
but a castle of glass
is never transparent as
we fill it with useless fixtures
Tell me again why the
rain isn't loved and I'll show you
the depths of your fear

i loved this today. it is great.thank you i need stimulation and this is it!

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much 😊 What an amazing and kind compliment.

[Zugzwang]

Oh s**t this is so good, now I want to do it

[Gaia Octavia]

It was a really interesting experience once I finally got my mind to stfu and just wrote w no thought or direction.

[Zugzwang]

I'm not sure I can get my mind to stfu lol

[Gaia Octavia]

Meditation took me years of practicing. I started w short, super calm guided-meditations. I wonder if u tried one and wrote right after it ended if that would help?

[Strawberry Rouge]

I love this work! The way that you broke it apart makes the flow of the poem add more life to it. Also the ending is just beautiful I have no words how to describe it! Great work!

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much! It was a fun exercise and I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂

[G.W. Saitreux]

A beautiful work, thank you for sharing!

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you! 😊

[θεά]

This is a very layered poem. Written in a complex style about a myriad issues, the verse sets the mind at a several questions about our inner fears, drives, anxieties and deep seated urges.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much 😊