Empty

The wind is all
that holds me now,
its ragged breath
all I allow

My world, collapsed
within four walls,
no need to walk
these hollow halls

Like a lantern
once it's blown,
I cannot light
the vast unknown

And so I sit
in morbid thought,
the only thing
for which I'm wrought

To slip away
at morning light,
another day
before the night

Reviews

[Bethsinitaly]

Great piece of writing nice pace sometomes it really pays off to explore the darkness and this is a classic example of that. well done :)

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much ☺

[ThePastelPrince]

Reading this really brought me back to my darker days. I think you captured the voice of a damaged soul perfectly. Keep Creating.

-The Prince

[Gaia Octavia]

Thanks ☺

[Bryan Irion]

Beautiful peice, every line is so sweet to read.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you ☺

[ranscan]

An interesting emotional exploration within the framework of the form and rhyme. There is within the imagery, the physical representations of an internal dialogue? And all the limitations set in count and rhyme do not seem to diminish the ability of the work to flow smoothly and be expressive.
I do have a question about the last stanza, the last word of the second and fourth lines are the same, this differs from the rest of the work, perhaps light rather than night on the second line?

[Gaia Octavia]

Oops! Thanks for finding my typo. It's supposed to say morning light. Thanks for the new pair of eyes!

[ranscan]

You are of course most welcome, after all you have assisted me by finding some of my own.

[Gaia Octavia]

It's funny how you can read something 10 times and not see an error and another person can notice it in 15 seconds 😆 Thanks again! "Morning night" definitely does not make sense! Haha

[ranscan]

Actually I find Morning Night an interesting idea, perhaps conceptional representation of an emotional statement, or even a term to reference a differing view of experience. True it did not work well in this piece, however as an error it seems quite small. Considering all the possible issues that can arise in the process of writing and editing a work, one could only hope they would all be this easy to overcome.

[Gaia Octavia]

Very true!

[Lorry]

This speaks of a soul lost in it's mortal body, unseen and thought of as un-thought of to me. The emptiness of not being a participant in a race they hadn't even known had begun. It is only when all is still one feels truly what being alone is. This is both beautiful and heart-wrenching, for there are more people empty than you could possibly imagine.

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you so much! ☺

[Lorry]

You're welcome :)

[Neal S]

This almost seems as if its written from the point of view of a ghost or spirit. I like the wind like flow of this piece. Nice

[Gaia Octavia]

Thank you very much ☺ I like your perspective!