Concentrate

Distractions taste like temptation,

when your mind is in a knot.

Be still in cogitation,

comprehend the words to every thought.

Listen to the silence;

become one with who you are.

You may think the answer is guidance,

but that lies within the north star. 

Reviews

[vido.]

A strong first line and intricate piece. Well written. The last line throws my thoughts off into possibilities x

[Andrew Rayne]

Like my peers before me, this is a well executed piece. With a beautifully written ideal and with the wordplay to compliment the structure. It is a very balanced piece, with just enough power to leave you wanting to read it again, and a little bit of strength to keep you paused at the end to contemplate its worth when you are done. It's brilliant, and your first line is so rich in execution I want to tattoo it into my next poem. Just the vibrancy of that line alone makes the rest of the read amazing. Of course the flow plays such a crucial part in these kinds of pieces and you structured it very well.

My only critique, and it is more confusion than anything else. Your last line made me stumble as it was, more or less out of place from the rest of the poem. I understand where you are coming from with its placement, being that the North Star guides us home. However, I think that out of all the verses, this should have had the most impact on us being the conclusion. It almost seems you wanted to add more, but didn't know how to rhyme the last two verses and they became rushed to the finish.

I say this, not to infer the ending of this was bad. The ending was understandable and a good finish. I just think that with such a strong beginning, and such a vibrant body should have had a bigger impact at its final conclusion. It may be in the diction, because the flow kind of takes on a little bend towards the end as well and that may play a part on the delivery in this. Again, only something to critique and still should not take away from the fact that this is a very strong poem. Well written.

[Gabrielle Linch]

Thank you so much for your honest opinion. I agree with you 100%. Even when posting it I wasn't too fond of the ending myself, but I haven't thought of another line that completely flows and complements the rest of the poem.

[Andrew Rayne]

Ah, no worries there. It is as I said not a bad ending at all, and is still a wonderfully written piece.

[Scott Durham]

A manual for writing poetry?
I hate that I am so tough on poetry, but then it makes me feel good when I get to something I like, like this one. There is form and function, each working together in this short thought.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Again I do like your style and work choice and ability to bend concepts and emotions to the written word but I would have said 'Northern Star' or 'bright north star' in terms of meter and flow.

[Fernando Dardón]

This reminds me at the moment of studying.
I guess this poem describes exactly what I'm tempted to do and what I have to do when I'm doing certain activity, say studying.
I like how this poems encloses the importance of silence. I guess that if everyone could listen to the silence just for a while we would be happier, ¿don't you think?

THUMBS UP for this one (Y) I liked it ver much, specially because of its length.

Greetings,

Fernando

[Gerry Legister]

This touches the point of honesty and spells out the truth in a poignant form