Fears

A Story by Gabriella

Fears. We all have them… It’s part of who we are, whether it be spiders, or clowns… maybe it’s the dark, or being alone at night. I have fears. In fact, I have a lot of them. You’d think that with time, they’d pass, right? Wrong. They don’t just go away overnight, like a thunder storm. They stick with you throughout your life, it’s like someone decided to put Gorilla Glue on every single fear that lingers in your head. Maybe you’re asking, what are some things that I fear? Well… my worst fear is being alone for the rest of my life, dying alone, not having anyone to “be there for me.” Not being good enough for someone to love me forever. Crazy, right? Ever since I was little I was told that I’ll grow up and get married and have kids… I was told that I’ll be swept off my feet and fall in love with an amazing man...

What if…

What if I’m not swept off my feet? What if I don’t fall in love? What if I don’t marry a man? How do you get over a fear that has a strong possibility of happening? You can’t. It stays with you. Being alone forever gives you a lot of time to think, doesn’t it? You could think about life, family, weather, plants, animals… You could think in peace. You’d have to sleep alone at night, though… But, sleeping alone has a plus side. You can rest peacefully at night. You wouldn’t have to worry about having your covers stolen away from you in the middle of the night. You could have a whole bed, to yourself. You would have a whole lifetime to yourself. You wouldn’t have to share with anyone else. You wouldn’t have to worry about commitment… After all, there would be nobody to commit to. When I sit awake at 3:30am, I think. I think about life alone. I think about life, being married. I think about what it’d be like to be married to one person for the rest of my life. Spending a lifetime with one man, or one woman, is such a crazy thought. A lot of possibilities. Maybe I will be lucky enough to get married. There’s always a chance that I won’t. There’s always a chance that my worst nightmare will come true. I would die alone, because nobody would’ve loved me… What is love, anyways? Love, hmmm. Love is being there unconditionally, sticking around when times get rough, helping out through everything, comforting when needed, listening to everything said, giving what advice you can, keeping your mouth shut when needed, being there through a lifetime of experiences, sitting at the hospital when they’re on their death bed, watching them take their last breath while holding your hand. Love… Love is watching someone die, no matter how hard it is.

Who will watch you die?

Who will watch me die?

Who will love me… my dark side tells me nobody will. It says that my fear is a reality. It tells me that I can’t escape reality.

Don’t let your fears overcome you; they will turn you into a hopeless monster, like mine have done to me. My fear has become a reality because I let it take me over, my fear is one that nobody should have, but in all actuality, deep down inside… past the façade and lies, beyond it all.

We all fear loneliness.