Hurt

Hurt

A Chapter by E.A. Christie
"

Four years after coming out.

"

Nicolas stared in the sky, he had done this almost every day for four years, leaving out certain days ones that have any relation to him and Matthew. He stayed home those days, not wanting to leave. Usually he sobbed until he couldn't cry anymore. A frown on his face, Nicolas felt a tap on his shoulder, a young man, not much younger than Nicolas smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you okay, sir?" he asked kindly unsure what Nicolas was doing.

Nicolas looked at him and faintly nodded. "Yeah, just sad," he said, holding his sleeves in his hands. The man tilted his head, frowning as he held his sleeves.


The man sat next to him, smiled and looked at him. "Well, I can tell something's eating away at you," he said before realizing he had yet to say his name. "I'm Nix, by the way." Nix had a small smile that was sincere and curious. Matthew had that look often, with that thought, Nicolas shook his head roughly and looked at Nix. Collin in many ways reminded Nicolas of Matthew, from his over all looks to his smile. 

"Uh . . . Nicolas," he said, not getting up and holding his arms close to his chest. "Nice to meet you, Nix."

Nix nodded and walked off, not wanting to over stay his welcome. 

Nicolas watched Nix leave and looked into his jacket, pulling out a knife. He pressed the knife towards his skin, pressing it softly as he ran it against his smooth skin as his free hand rubbed his facial hair he had grown over the years.


Quickly, the pain of the knife spread and the memory of Matthew was replaced by the pain of the knife running against his own skin. He couldn't count the times he'd hurt himself to forget Matthew for just the moment. Often as he finished harming himself, the painful memory of Matthew kicking him out, forcing him to beg his brother to let him stay with him. Nicolas cringed as the blade broke the skin, causing a twinge of pain to be detected, he's never cut himself in a public place, something about the tranquil winds and the smell of fresh cut grass made him calm.


Nicolas bit his lip as the blade pushed his skin lightly breaking it until blood trickled down, then he stopped and switched arms, changing to his left, he knew if Matthew hadn't kicked him out, he wouldn't have started cutting himself. He remembered the first day he had cut himself.


It was in winter, he was alone in the apartment his brother lived in where he was holding a piece of broken glass, the feeling with it poking his hand. He held it with no gloves he just held it before he tightened his grip until blood trickled down, it made him forget every moment of mental harm, replacing it with the harm that was more immediate and physical. It only lasted a few minutes as he was unsure how long he can lose blood without showing it on his arms. He hadn't told his brother of the reason he was kicked out of the apartment. He didn't want his brother to hate or worry for him due to his habit.


Nicolas began doing it more and more, almost every time he'd think of Matthew he cut himself, and thanks to that, he has numerous cuts along both of his arms.


Nicolas looked down, then up, he jumped and quickly put away his blade as he saw his brother walking near him. "Johnathan," Nicolas smiled, he didn't like being called John or Johnny, he would always correct anyone who'd say otherwise. "Wh-What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice a bit tired and his face pale from blood loss.

Johnathan didn't seem to notice and just smiled faintly. "I got a lunch break and thought we'd have lunch together, like brothers," he said, giving Nicolas a hand to grasp.

The last cut was the deepest and he fell back, he pushed his sleeves down, maintaining them to not go up and show the scars. "You okay?"

Nicolas quickly nodded and got up as soon as he could. "Yeah . . ." he smiled and pat his brother's shoulder. "I'm fine, Johnathan."


Seemed like Johnathan believed that as he dropped the subject quickly and they walked to a small café. Ordering their meal they smiled at each other. Ever since Matthew kicked Nicolas out Johnathan had been supportive not caring what Nicolas did as long as he was safe in his house. Johnathan looked down a smile on his face. "Have you spoken with Matthew since you were kicked out?" he asked, curiously.

Nicolas cringed upon the mention of his name. "Please don't say that name . . ." Nicolas said, darkly as he looked up at him and later shook his head. "I haven't and I don't plan to."


Johnathan sighed, he loved his brother, despite his lack of brotherly care while he was growing up or the six year gap between the brothers and their speech. Six years ago Nicolas left to rent an apartment with Matthew, not once have they spoken to each other in those years. Until the four year mark, when Nicolas knocked on the door begging for a place to stay. He accepted and found his long lost brotherly love and care. He was younger, but Johnathan felt older.


It tore Nicolas apart to the extent of almost getting hit by a car on his way out of the block. In that same year, Matthew had become a world famous actor in countless movies, his face was everywhere, he couldn't escape him, the only safe thought was he's in another state. But he felt like it wouldn't stay the same forever. But, Nicolas didn't want to think about that.

   



© 2015 E.A. Christie


Author's Note

E.A. Christie
This is my first story involving self-harm, and I apologize for any problems that are in the chapter.

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Added on May 19, 2015
Last Updated on May 19, 2015
Tags: self-harm, sadness


Author

E.A. Christie
E.A. Christie

Anchorage, AK



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My name is Gabriel, I am a music fan ranging from Avenged Sevenfold to One Direction. From Blake Shelton to Taylor Swift. I'm a home-musician, a hopeful YouTube VA someday. I am 15 years-old. I have .. more..

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