Standards

I got a cute crush, the path was like a boulevard

I got a heart rush, as I was slowin’ down

I got it real bad, but you made it all hard

That smile and that consummate laugh, only one in the town

Caught by your smirking eyes, compassionate for the other guys

You were so neglectful, I wondered when you changed

Your charismatic approach fits you suitably

But you gave me a daunting look, am I too ugly?

I wanna taste your lips like an angel residing by my side

I want you as you are as what it was in my guide

I wanna drown myself in a bottle of your perfume

Your adequate atmosphere blooming in the room

Somehow you too was not approachable

But thou shalt not chicken out for you are so loveable

Things like these do not affect me too much

I want your magic touch, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much

A goal for a dream but what do you want?

 

 

Reviews

[Paul]

Documentation
3/31/18
9:02 AM U.S. CST
"My Review of Standards by Gabby the GAB, a fellow Writer's Cafe Member"
by PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org)

Happy AM, GAB!

Well, you keep things in the world of man meets woman kind of subtle with this one, I see, and yeah, people have to channel some things just to keep from going off the deep end, mind-wise. That much, I'll give you.

Yeah, I agree Chicken Little: The Board (as in room and board) Game isn't the best way to live, especially mental-health-wise. Chicken little thoughts, Chicken Little life experience, and it's that simple for some of us.

Yeah, if I don't like something (within reason) I author it off with an a*s covering. Such is life. Dishonest Competitor's are a pain to deal with.

Just keep Mortal Salvation Obsession (something I came up with) in mind. That's all.

Paul Grant Harper (Heggie)
PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org)

[Gabby The GAB]

I was somewhat relieved by your review! that was one detailed review right there. Thank you :)

[barleygirl]

I'm not sure I "get" everything you're saying here, but I love your casual uninhibited & sassy way of expressing it. There are so many love poems posted here in the classic sappy way, it's always a breath of fresh air when one is crafted with lots of unexpected kinks & feelings. I endorse your "hick" sounding grammar, as I will often use it too, to get that "countrified" sound (ignore what Bear says below about coordinating your nouns & verbs!) Good job being original (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Gabby The GAB]

THANK YOU BARLEYGIRL!! you kind of inspired me by the thoughts you gave there.

I learned a lot from those critiques of bear! lol hahaha do you have some connection with Bear? He's quite interesting, giving me motivation here and there.

[Bear]

Critique: (I got it real bad, but you made it all hard) really - The word "real" doesn’t fit this context
(Somehow you too was not approachable) too were not - the subject pronoun "you" and the verb "was" are not in agreement

Review: This is the kind of poem that makes one think and measure the standards and decide if one wants to abide by them or walk a different path. Thank you for making me think I love when something I read does that to me Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Gabby The GAB]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH BEAR!! haha I made this piece half asleep. I would like this to stay fresh so I discourage any edits haha! what a sweet review, thank you bear!

Question: the part "Somehow you too was not approachable", what would be the best alternative for the sentence bear?

[Bear]

Somehow you too were not approachable :~)

[Gabby The GAB]

Very well. Thank you Bear! Review noted.

[Najam Us Saher]

Any road can change one's journey, same goes with journey of life.

[Gabby The GAB]

Wow, that was a good one. I'll make something up about life later haha thanks najam!

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome :D