A Story Already Told

A Poem by Gabby Nieves

I probably have nothing good to say
today
but the day has barely just begun
inspiration from a sad time,
why do I miss it so much?
it's been weeks since I've visited this part of me
I long to feel the despair again
I still dream of escaping myself
though there's not much to get away from these days
I place a photograph to my chest
to feel my heartbeat get excited

I don't think death could save me,
I'm not sure I ever did
but you only see what you want to see
and not the words I once said
take the DNA and decode what really makes you afraid
cause I've been searching for a reason,
a feeling
something to bring me back to the past
again and again
it's getting really f*****g old
that the code for this body
is a story already told
I don't need long words
to project the S sleeping soundly someplace.....
else

it's not a deep breath
or a freshly cut wound
holding me in place anymore
It's the cold tile beneath my feet
in my head is where I sleep
my bed is just for laying
and lying to myself
that every word I've ever written
was meant for someone else
a figure of a brighter day
a chance to get undressed
of every dirty fingertip may have caressed
these hips are just as guilty
as the words off of my lips
living at the bottom of some old memory ship
and it's sailed so far away from me
I'll probably drown within myself
oh god I can't breathe,
put that thought back on the shelf
my fate has set behind the lock
the key is not to hate being me
only then I can be free
the day is coming to an end
and I haven't found what I'm looking for
flooded between the air I breathe
and the depths of the ocean floor
the medium in which I live
isn't a permanent solution
it's only a matter of time
until the faucet runs into my conclusion
streaming down my spine
the door is just an illusion
stop
and think
before you
end all this confusion
the sun has said good night
and I think I found my fear
that tomorrow I'll wake up again
and the future will still be here