I Wanna Die Before Sunrise

A Poem by Gabby Nieves

The ceremony rises
As Pink, blue, and white cream
Smear across the canvas
Before the righteous read their script
I'll have died three times
Orchids, Lilies, and carnations
Cover the black book
And as the tears turn to stone
I'll be buried six feet under
The crowd takes their seats
And my soul escapes me
Sadness sweeping over and settling
In this unknown place
Some feeling permanence for the first time
I wanna die before sunrise
Nothing more and nothing less
Than the little garden growing in my backyard,
The sun shining on my unmade bed,
And the letter left on my desk
It's all so deep I can hardly breathe
I wanna die before sunrise
So I won't have to get all dressed up
And watch my mom read lines
Of old poems I never wanted her to see
Distant relatives who smell of coffee
And cheap perfume
Wearing masks of grief
A bunch of empty strangers
Who knew me when I was three
It's all so boring if you ask me
I wanna die before night ends
So I'll miss the show
Five hours til sunrise
And no one would even know