Broken Record

I'm just here

Here's a poem about how happy I am
The sky is so blue or something
And no, I'm not self harming
I don't want to die
I'm so happy
Can't you see my smile?
Hi mom
I don't need anymore doctors
I don't want to see those pills
I'm so happy mom
Can't you tell?
I don't want to die anymore
Except, oh f**k!
I kind of do

Author's Note

Yeah there goes the last of my sanity. Don't judge me. Or whatever. fuck I'm so tired of people telling me to just be happy and appreciate things because god dammit if you've ever been depressed you'd know how fucking hard it is to just stop. I have no idea why I'm putting this on here but oh well. Sorry

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

I feel that many times during depression, it's okay to put on a mask sometimes. Pretending everything is alright for once instead of everyone constantly worrying about you. Also, a mask is good because without it, we would have to deal with and admit what's inside to those who won't bother trying to understand.

[Gabby Nieves]

You're exactly right, people will ask me what's wrong and I can't help but feel like I'm being a bother or complaining. When people don't understand depression it just seems like they look at you as pathetic and it sucks cause then you feel alone. But hopefully one day I won't have to fake it.

[I Am Svetlana]

The way to not faking it is to just accept the pain (either internal or external) and be honest with yourself about any emotions (good or bad) that you may encounter. Dont worry about ignorant or close-minded people. Who needs them anyway? Just take life day by day and just focus on doing your best in whatever you do. Dont worry about what anyone may be expecting of you. Do your best for you, forget everyone else.

[George Peck]

Why be sorry for how you feel? You are real. Don't hide how you feel get it out maybe someone can help if not maybe someone will just listen. I love what you right sorry you feel so bad but everyone does at time. The strong people are the ones who own it and let it go. I get depressed all the time I just don't let it rule my life I write and then I feel better and try to talk to people who understand me like other writers.

[Gabby Nieves]

You're right, and writing has been my only relief so far. Thank you so much for your words.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Its never wrong to feel the way you feel. You are not stupid for writing this or feeling how you feel.
My sister has depression, and sometimes with the way this world is, its hard for most of us not to get depressed.
The world honestly isn't a great place, its pretty fucked up.
If you need anyone to talk to as I said im a message away :)

[Gabby Nieves]

Very true, it's like a cycle of vicious darkness. I wish your sister well and thank you again

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thanks :) and your welcome again :)

[Jake Donald Stephens]

I used to quit jobs after a few weeks (if that), because I didn't feel wanted anywhere. I spent much of my time planning to kill others, as a prelude to killing myself, because all I ever heard everywhere I went was "f*g, f*g, f*g, f*g, f*g, f*g, f*g, f*g". I drank every day, then broke the beer bottles and slashed my wrists up with the shards, because I felt so miserable. Medication? Yeah right, like that s**t was gonna help me. Maybe if the world would change, then there wouldn't be so much unhappiness in it.

[Gabby Nieves]

You and me both, my friend. I feel the same about everything but I just find myself so tired and blah to change anything about anything and just f**k. right?

[Jake Donald Stephens]

I've been asking myself: What do I want? And the answer is always: To write books. What would make me happy? Only one answer to that one, too: Get published. Regardless of whether it's realistic or not, I think these are important questions for everyone to ask themselves, and answer. Only then can you go from there. Other than that.....just keep trying.

[Gabby Nieves]

Based on your writing those goals dont seem unrealistic at all. But you're right, and I do have goals. I wish i could remind myself everyday but I find myself getting so caught up all the regular bullshit of life. Ahh regardless, i thank you for your help c:

[Cahjli Symes]

depression isn't easy to get out of and one can not change there perspective of life and it's sometimes pointless meaning overtime. however change happens over time and over time with the right mindset you will eventually get out of that stage and move forward however accepting what happened in the past. that doesn't necessarily mean forgiveness but just the acceptance of it and just letting the past not become your future is key. I'm slowly getting out of my state even though at nights i feel lonely and i often question my purpose in this fucked up society. its all just baby steps. you dont have to change instantly because thats a unrealistic goal to achieve and anyone who tells you that has there head so far up there a*s their hibernating in there own ignorance. just stay strong and don't let the dark thoughts of the past get to you. It;'s going to be hard and it is quite a process but just the little things like thinking of planning out your day can block out those nasty thoughts. Just stay strong and remember change doesn't happen over night and it's a process based on your pace [which is infinitely optional] and just remember if you made it this far you're of the strong not the weak.

[Gabby Nieves]

Wow..this really means a lot to me you have no idea. Coming from someone who understands is refreshing. I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm just being dramatic or exaggerating because I'm not. I know that things could get better its just so god damn hard sometimes. But you're right and I need to take someones advice. Thank you for this Cahjli

[Cahjli Symes]

I'm here for ya X)