Fathers day.

As Lilian walked into the classroom she saw all the other students with there fathers. She was now in 3rd grade. It was fathers day. On fathers day every child would bring a picture of there Dad and tell the class about their fathers.. Today was different for Lilian. Earlier that year her parents had split up and she didn't know where her Dad was. Her mom just told her, "He will come back don't worry.". Lilian was smart from a young age and knew that was a lie. As the days got longer and her dad wasn't coming home, she knew he wasn't ever coming home.. So when it was her turn she stood up and walked to the front of the class room with her head down.She didn't have a picture so she drew one. Of her and her Dad and her Mom and her. .She started "I drew my picture." she said with a pause. She pointed to the figure that was her father. "This is my Dad." she said and paused. "He doesn't live with me and mommy." she said. "But he left for a good reason." with that she sat down.To tell the truth she didn't know why he left. . She held back the tears. Just because he was in her heart didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Author's Note

Well again with lilian. These stories i really just come up with. They dont have anything to do with my life or what has happened.

Reviews

[Aliciae]

I have been told I'm a harsh critic. I will NOT sugarcoat my reviews, I don't care if your an amateur. If you can't handle that, stop reading now.

I like to start my reviews off with something positive, but with this piece there's not much I can say in this regard. There are lots of severe punctuation and grammar errors with should be fixed. I'm sure you know how to write properly, so don't be lazy.
The first thing wrong is this; I have never heard of a school where for Father's day, the fathers take time off of work just so there kids could say good things about them.
The second thing is what makes this piece bad. They above could be tolerated if this part actually made sense, but it doesn't. The emotions are WAY too complex for a 1st grader!!! Sure, you could argue that Lilian is mature. No difference. 1st graders would not be able to comprehend this type of event in there life, thus would not express these emotions.

I would not recommend working with younger characters, unless writing short stories/prose for that age. You shouldn't work with characters too old either, depending on your age.

Do not be discouraged by my review though. Learning to deal with harsh criticism is a valuable skill. Keep writing, listen to critique, but do not trust friends and family as good reviewers! Most will tell you its amazing just because. Even if you think your friends would never lie, they will. Trust me. Anyway just keep writing(as I said earlier) and keep improving!