Chapter 1

Something about Winter makes me hate God.

3/2/09

 

 

Chapter 1: Potato Skins

 

I didn’t realize how many stars there were. I remember my father saying it was impossible to count them all; but I was going to prove him wrong. I started to lose track after twenty-two as my eyes went heavy. Winter had slowly approached it self. It had scraped its claws onto the window. I herd mumbling. It’s was probably Oleg praying again; I herd a couple tears his weak vibrating voice. My eyes flickered open as I herd a loud screech of sorrow. I turned my head and held Oleg’s mouth. Tears and snot made his face slippery.

‘What is it Oleg?’ I asked him.

   He turned away ashamed and answered just a simple ‘Nothing.’

 

   I sighed; and crawled back into my bed wiping his snot on my sheets. My bed was the only sense of heat I’d feel for a while. I looked back up through the hole in the ceiling. I saw the stars and started to count them; again. It all became a blur after fifty-one.

   I quickly opened my eyes; the sun-stained clouds creped by. It was morning now. I laid there waiting to hear the whistles and bells that would enforce us up. Not too long I herd them, we all did. Young children crawled out of their safety nets and were ready to face the day. I laid there for a little while and pulled myself up.

‘The first step is the hardest.’

   I told myself. I didn’t know if it was true; but that’s what my father used to say. I always thought the last step was the hardest; I guess I’ll never know.

 

    I missed home. I missed the smell of hot-cakes and the feeling of warm syrup sliding down my face. I missed playing Jacks and snapping marbles. I really missed hearing adventure books my father told me. I loved hearing tales of dangerous fights, different worlds, monsters, saving the Damsels in distress. I love it all. I always wanted to read by myself, but sadly I never learned.

   It was going to be awhile till I would get out of here. I knew it. My gut told me; either that or it was telling to eat something. The snow burned my feet. I hated the snow and pretty much everything about winter. It was the season to lose a friend from the freezing nights. It was the season to see people losing an arm or a leg because Jack-Frost ripped them out with his teeth. It was the season of death, and it definitely wasn’t the season to be jolly; as we sang.

   I decided to take a detour and head for the fields, and I don’t know why but my mind always trialed off when I went there. It was so clam and peaceful out side our fences, but inside told a different story. Winter had started which meant only one thing. The Winter Concert of 1874. No one was excited about that, especially me. Everyday we’d sing and sing until my tongue and throat couldn’t take it. You could feel the veins bursting in the back of your throat, but you dare not to move in inch. If  Mr. Schenck saw a sign of weakness he would jump on you like fox to a dead rabbit. No mercy. 

It started to snow outside again. God must have hated us.

   Something about it was still comforting though. The way the snow touched the broken trees and stiff grass just made me appreciate Nature’s beauty. Too bad it was a b***h to be in.

 

 

   There was a loud chime behind me which meant that it was time for supper. Night had approached itself already. It was almost a shocker to me! The older teens were allowed to go first. It only made since, since they did all the heavy lifting and the big work. I was only ten so I was in the middle of the age groups. People that were my age were known as the “Average Ones.”. Older teens got a Potato, Black Bean Soup, Corn and Black Bread.

   They fested like Kings!

 

   Kids my age got Soup, and Black Bread. Maybe a potato if we were lucky. I waited in line what felt like forever. My stomach acid was going to over flow and eat it self because it was so empty. I finally got a trey and the food servers smacked corn and placed some bread on it. I stared at the food server.

‘This is all we have?’

   She glared down at me as if I stole something from her.

‘Move!’ she hissed, so I just moved along.

   It wasn’t like I never herd that before. It takes a while getting used to having nothing…but you do eventually.

But let me tell you this; at least it wasn’t the gravy. I cringed even imaging it. It smells like cat vomit, it “sometimes” is this olive green, but “sometimes” it’s a light brown. How does it “sometimes” change color? I don’t know, but I am as sure as hell I don’t want to know the method of making it. I want to say it has some blue cheese in it; but I’m not completely sure.

   The ranting in my head of the gravy got fuzzy as Butch sat down.

‘I am guessing you’re not gonna eat your bread hu Jack?’

‘I actually was planning-’

‘Guess not.’

   Butch interrupted and shoved the bread in his fat mouth. ‘Besides I am three years older than you. And you know what that means…don’t you?’

‘Hum I don’t know Butch what?’ I said in a sarcastic tone.

‘I need the food. I do ten-thousand more things than you! A growin’ boy needs his food!’ he said patting his stomach. His belly rippled as he ripped a piece of his Potato off, and spit it off his lips. ‘I f****n hate potatoes skins!’

‘I would have eaten it.’ I said bluntly.

‘Oh s**t…sorry.’ Butch got up and started to walk off. He turned at me. ‘You want some potatoes?’

   I nodded.

‘Then meet me in the NW wing after dinner.’

   So once dinner was done I walked down the NW wing. This was for the older boys, but I was so hungry I would do anything. The hall was so empty. My bare feet made an echo on the tile floor.

  

   I cut through the field and saw Butch standing there with his four friends Oleg, Zach, Dewitt and Adalwin.

They were some of Butch’s good friends. He had plenty; trust me.

   Secretly Oleg was a good friend of mine, but the flaw in that was; he was Butch’s best friend. We only talked because he had a bunker next to me. The only good part of it all was Oleg never hurt me; he just always watched or held me down. If Butch knew about our friendship I am sure he’d kill me!

 

 

   Butch was pretty big for his age though! I’ll tell you that. He stood at five six and weight in at one-fifty.

 

I only stood at four eleven and weighted eight-seven pounds. He was unreal compared to me.

He was very ambitious too, many of his flaws. He always wanted to be the leader and give commands; and people let him do it!

   The second I saw them all together my heart dropped. I started to run back, but Dewitt grabbed my feet and I flopped over into the snow. I had a mouth full of snow, dirt, and blood. I herd a snap of a finger. I covered my head, but that didn’t do me anything. I could feel my ribs stabbing into my lungs, as they kicked my sides. I could hear continuing popping and cracks from my head down to my rib cage.

    At the very second I wished I herd a whistle from a Nun walking by or maybe even the sound of someone’s gasping. Instead I herd chatting and it just got louder. I peeked between my middle and index fingers to find people watching.

‘Why isn’t anyone helping?’ that’s all I could think.

   Then silence hit the area.

   Butch stood up and wiped the splattered blood of his cheek and wiped it on his pant leg. Mr. Schenck, the music teacher walking by. He stopped and gazed over at the crowd. Kids started to walk off, as if they were never there. It soon left the original six boys; including me.

‘Good Evening my children. What seems to be so amusing here?’ he said as he examined the situation.

   Butch being the “leader” was ready for the attack as Oleg started to sneak off.

 

 

‘Oleg Von Marmaduke! Come...’ Mr. Schenck said as he inched his finger over to him. Oleg hung his head low as he stood next to the rest of us.

   Mr. Schenck looked down at me. I could see his face get a sickly pale. ‘Jack Adams? Good God! What happened to you?’ He helped me up then wiped the blood off my chin.

 

‘Nothing...’ I said trying to blow it off; and then looked up to see Butch glaring at me. I could just read his face. If I told the teacher what happened I would be dead for sure. I gulped.

‘Now Jack-’ Mr. Schenck said as he put his hand on my bruised shoulder. ‘why don’t you tell me why you’re covered in blood? Lying is a horrible thing don’t you know that Mr. Adams? It’s a sin in God’s eyes. You don’t want to make God upset do you?’

   I shook my head.

   He smiled. ‘Good Jack. Then tell me what happened to you.’ Mr. Scheck looked at Butch as if he already knew the answer.

‘Butch Foreski and his friends-’ I looked over at Butch. He was grinding his broken teeth together.

I clinched my fist and closed my eyes.

‘Yes Jack?’ Mr. Schenck said with a grin.

‘they ganged up on me…because I stole Butch’s dinner today.’

  Butch was in utter shock.

  Mr. Scheck rubbed his neck and sighed. ‘Is this true Butch?’ he said sarcastically.

  He stood straight up and nodded. ‘Yes sir. I was giving him his punishment.’

‘Boys, leave the punishing to me. Now go to bed. It’s late.’ Mr. Scheck said as he walked off. He knew what happened. He turned back to see the six boys standing there. ‘God, Butch is going to get his a*s kicked one of these days…’ he said.

  Mr. Scheck disappeared over a hillcrest and Butch looked at me with a glare. ‘You’re f****n’ stupid s**t… Common guys lets go! The winter night is coming.’ Butch said looking up at the sky.

   I sat there and picked a scab off my leg. I found a potato skin nuzzled in the snow.  I looked around, and then looked up.

‘Thanks God.’ I said with a smile.

   I shoved it in my mouth and headed to the bunkers. I started to run there because it started to snow hard.

Whatever their was of the sun; started to come down, so now it was Sabbath which meant two things; good and bad.

One – No work all day which equals good.

Two – Singing all day which equals bad.

   The morning the bells shook the Catholic Children’s Shelter were I lived. There were a lot of people surprisingly for a shelter. There were four hundred boys, and two hundred and fifty two girls living there. Another surprising fact was less then half of them were even Catholic. I was, but not a lot of people were at all. They still kept Sunday holy and sang songs related to God, but they had to keep the rules if they liked it or not. This shelter had a secret. I didn’t know it but some people did.

I asked and asked and asked. Nobody would tell me. Butch knew it, but when I brought it up he got all tensed up and walked off. I herd rumors that Oleg knew too so I was going to ask him today at church.

   I walked into the church building and looked for Oleg.

‘Oleg Marmaduke? Where are you?’ I said.

   I felt a hand go over my eyes and mouth.

‘Guess who?’ I herd.

‘Mom?’ I said in a jokingly tone.

‘Yes it’s you’re mother! You’re in big trouble Mister!’ Oleg let go of me and smiled; grabbed my shirt and dragged me off to the Church’s Library. ‘So what can I do for you Jackie?’

   He sat down in an empty chair and I sat next to him.

‘It’s just Jack.’ I said, and then continued. ‘I know were suppose to be in church, but I have to know about the shelter’s secret! Butch had’a told you!’

‘Ja I know.’ He said softly and looked up at me. ‘You don’t wanna know.’

‘Yeah I do! I wanna know it all! Tell me Oleg!’

‘You know being so curious is a bad things.’

‘I don’t care!’ I exclaimed! ‘Tell me!’

‘Are you sure..?’

‘Yes I do!’ I reassured him. He sighed and nodded.

‘Okay but I will only tell you what I know! Pinky-promise me you won’t tell anyone?’

   We connected pinkies and I smiled.

‘Of course…’ my voice trialed off.

He cleared his throat and locked the door. He sat across from me and looked at the window.

‘Okay, well from what I herd there is an underground society.’ He said using the bunny fingers.

‘Is it really underground?’ I asked.

‘I dunno. Let me finish!’ He paused, and then continued. ‘Okay so what Butch told me was; that if a kid can’t sing or if something happened to them so they can’t sing; they kill em’.’

‘That’s a lie. I don’t believe that.’

‘Can I continue?’ Oleg asked. There was a pause and then he started up again. ‘They don’t kill you on the spot... I herd if they can fix you they won’t kill you, but if they can’t they will run fucked up tests on you. The place is nicknamed The Forbidden Shelter. The Nuns don’t know about this underground society, but I herd all the other staffs know. Why do you think they tied this place up with barbwire? They don’t want anyone to get out. Pretty sick eh?’

‘Do you believe in it? The Forbidden Shelter?’ I asked nervously.

  Oleg got up and unlocked the door, he turned to me. ‘I don’t know, but I herd Butch lost his best friend because of that place. He would know if it’s real or not. Why don’t you ask him?’

I laughed sarcastically ‘I’ll pass.’

‘Suit yourself. I suppose we’ll never know if that place really exists…Common Bible study is starting.’

 

 

   As I walked to the studying room I remember what Oleg said. How we’d never know if it really existed. Then an idea struck me. What if I pretended to have a bad throat? It could work since my throat really did work, so they couldn’t kill me. It was a perfect plan. I wasn’t too sure I would go through with it though. Church was boring. Nothing happened. They mostly sat up on the Pew telling us that the end of the world is coming so we need to repent and be ready. If you ask me it’s all bull s**t. I am almost positive the end of the world will be at least a hundred years from now, maybe even longer?

 

   I’m not going to waste my life in fear of the end.  I know my dad wouldn’t have approved of that talk, but its how I feel. I always questioned God. I walked down to the field and sat down in the tall grass. We had the rest of the day off for personal therapy with our God. That’s how they said it at least.

 

   They snow started to burn my feet so I put my jacket on top of the snow then sat down on that.

I always missed home when I sat alone. It gave me time to reflect on everything.

   I would think why my mother would just give me up, or why close people to you always die; like my father.

None of it made since, even when I tired to make it. Times like these I wondered what my brother was doing, why he hasn’t come for me. I even thought of my sister, and far away she was. She was in America now, and I was stuck here in Germany. Nothing seemed to be right.

   I picked a straw up and popped it in my mouth. I swung my arms back and forth.

  I got up puffed my chest out, while my back straightened out.

‘Boy howdy! I am sure tired of all this darn work I reckon.’ I started laugh and felt the tip of the straw. I watched it bounce in my mouth. ‘It’s cheesy but I like it!’ I giggled and left the straw in my mouth.

   I picked up my drenched jacket and put it on. I smelt something cooking. It smelt wonderful! Like a potato stew with corn bread. It made my mouth water as I started to flow the sweet smell.

   I stopped at a door and put my ear against it. No one was in there so I opened the door. Inside the warm room an aroma sedated me. There was a plate of bread, and a cup of steaming potato stew. I looked around, no one was there. I quickly got up and shoved the bread in my pockets and ran out with the cup in my hands.

 

 

   Everything was warm. I sat behind a tree eating it all slowly, and I was trying to memorize its taste. The corn bread had some honey in the middle of it, and it was dripping butter. I took a big bite out of it and the butter and honey slid down my face. I licked my fingers and got all crumb off my face. I looked at the stew. I pushed aside some potatoes to see what else was in it. Carrots, black beans, onions, potatoes and its skin, and beef chunks. I didn’t think twice as I started to drink it, like it was apple juice. I licked it clean and rubbed my belly. I had a big grin on my face when I herd the bell for dinner. I was actually going to be full tonight. That thought actually scared me if anything, and it almost made me feel bad too since all the other kids were starving. I stared at my food at dinner and looked around at the other kids. They looked so hopeless, and so dead. I looked down at my corn cob and black bean soup.

 

I rubbed my chin, and asked myself:

 

‘What would Jesus do?’

I picked a piece of bread up and examined it.

‘He would give the food to the needy.’ I said, and I started to think. ‘Well I don’t care.’ I took a bite out of my bread and licked my plate clean. It was a dog eat dog world.

   Sadly there is no room for sympathy, not here. Not ever. After dinner I went straight to bed. Sabbath was almost over and tomorrow was going to be a busy day of work. I put my face in my stuffed hay pillow; I slept all night. 

 

Author's Note

Read and Review Okay.
Be as mean as you want, criticism is better than none.

**Note**
Spelling Errors are common is their speaking sequences; so deal?!
~9 Book Pages.
Im fucking done with chapter 1!~