the very first time

"Why am I here?" "What is happening to me?"

Tears rushing down my face as i sat on the floor with my back to the door

Was the first time

"At Chris's house my moms current boyfriend who she loved more than me holding a broken bottle cap in my hand

Was the first time

They were arguing I think but I remember that day so clearly  school had been a mess and home was no better

Was the first time

I put the broken cap to my skin and watched my blood flow to the ground' down my arm

Was the first time

A 9the grader who would say "I'm already in pain why not add a little more"

Was the first time

I felt a sense of control over my life. No doesn't care. She won't even care' notice the scars

Was the first time

"Hate myself,this fat, ugly person who is crying inside, screaming but can't express my pain "stay calm, be cool, everything is going to be okay"

Was the first time 

Was the first time

I WISH I W WAS DEAD

Author's Note

How I've been feeling for quite a while. I hate it.

Reviews

[Joe_VILOT_]

I understood dear friend you are wounded and want more than just that i understand no matter what understand yourself from inside your are more than this exterior you were born perfect and you still are

:) i understand you may not feel it yet time is more than just a great healer it is also a great teacher i feel
you are in a volatile moods it is a necessity that i have experienced no matter what you are experiencing to get yourself out of this.
I understand after reading a number reactions may happen yet i mean nothing only the best intentions
i have been through great suffering as well yet the pen is so much mightier than the sword.in so much more than one way
so keep up the work and see if you can explore different avenues of your work that my nurture something that will ultimately see you through until you get to say somewhere more in accordance and in-tune with your true self not the self you see at opposites with the pureness you seek
l.o.v.e l.i.f.e=let our values evolve linearly if friction equates thank you Raven