Present Self Perception.

                     


  


PRESENT SELF-PERCEPTION


State,O' state, at my state I weep;
That has filled my life with pains so deep.
'Tis a vicious circle of thoughts in mind,
And of nothingness in action, now and behind.

I long for that pen of mine,
Which silently made everything so much fine.
But for it's absence O Lord whom do I blame?
I have misplaced it through my deeds of shame!

What was I and what have I become?
Good for nothing, lazy and troublesome.
I compare my state with my peers,
And cannot control my flow of tears.........

But no! ,of these droplets of water, there is no use;
Because to work hard wisely, I did refuse.
For me, there are jokes, laughs and mocks.
A person who could never, never pull up his socks!

The value of time who never understood,
Thought that he would be spoon fed for good.
In almost all things ,he,now stands the last;
Forgetting everything,he just longs for the past.

Thoughts of his mind -full of little joy and pain,
Sometimes of this place, and sometimes of his own lane.
These Thoughts O Lord, make me think of the morrow;
Will this state bring me mere pain and sorrow?

I look at my face,which is devoid of any expression,
Yet within me ,there is a silent aggression.
This place has altered my own blaze;
There's been a tint of guilt in all the days.

All are busy to prove perfection at place yonder,
Yet on this thought, I feel, why do I ponder?
My journeys in thoughts, O' mother , tiring and futile,
Have rendered my inner-self, so weak and fragile.

But some thoughts O' dear, cannot be called so,
For they posses your glance, and then you go...........
And it does give me a moment of relief
But why this place doesn't let live my belief,
That I too can turn a new leaf;
And this , yes, is verily my fief ?

There's prolonged continuity of this dreadful state.
There's no compunction, although its so late.

Lord, O' Lord ,O' my dear Lord !, 'twas from You that I always sought,
Where's gone that strength which I from you got?

There ain't any answer, but, whilst I sleep,
I am driven into a region dark and deep.
A figure clad in white, a seraphic smile who had,
Neared me and spake, "Why art thou sad?,
Why dost the Lord thou interrogate?,
None, but thou art,responsible for thy state!
The strength of which thou dost speak,
Hast been weakened by the vain things thou seek.
Forget them hence, forget them now!
Don't wander asking why and how.
That about which thou art narked , let it be filched in His sight;
Force and set on the path that is right.
And He shall then fill bliss by His might....!"

And then .....it vanished, where I knew not,
I opened my eyes in a state of thought.
Recalled that what he at last spake,
"May it come true", this wish I make,
"May it come true",this wish I make!.












    
                      
 

Reviews

[Katie Flores]

your poem was soo... it drew me in, mirroring, by chance, how i am feeling. as i was reading tears were forming on my lids. the movement of the poem was so soft and gentle, like a guilty child creeping up to its mother to beg forgiveness for an offense. at first i was a little thrown off by your change in diction and syntax, but by the end of the poem it felt right. thank you for this. this is perhaps my favorite piece i have read.

[Gurdeep...The Lost]

Thanku dear katie :-)

[victoria]

you express yourself and how you feel here, what can I say or offer? No matter the weather, get dressed go out with an empty mind, walk with purpose, feel the breeze, hear the sounds notice nature be it a tree or a flower, clouds in the sky, feel, feel, feel everything.

[FJ Davis]

Painful-to-read, heartfelt piece; has some lyrical lines and, pretty much, conveys your message, but needs what you now appear to be incapable of--some work.
You do show promise; you have the heart of a poet.
If I were you, I'd look into the possibility that I might be suffering from clinical depression.
I wish you well, G, in your writing career--as well as hoping your physical health soon improves.