Such is life

 

                The question on my exam giving me the most trouble stated thus: write a paragraph on a time in your life when you made a set of plans that went accordingly. Easy enough right? Anyone can come up with a time when they made a set of plans and every step of it turned out perfect, or so you would think. As I sit there and stare at my empty paper, the only thoughts that came to mind where my plans that have gone awry. How could I write a paper about my plans going right when all I can recall is my plans going wrong? As I pondered, a single thought crept into my brain. It was a miniscule thought; it was fleeting and would soon pass, leaving me with this simple yet brain-wreaking question, or so I thought. The idea planted itself in the back of my mind like a seed you would plant in your garden. It quickly took root and sprouted. It was as if the very act of staring at this blank white space for so long was fueling the idea. Just as I was about to give in to my aggression and frustration that willed me to slam my head into my kitchen table repeatedly until I bled profusely from the ears the little thought seed erupted in my mind. Its volcanic lava of brain waves consuming me entirely forced me to form a complete philosophy, a revelation that needed to be let loose on the world. And now I had the perfect plan, flawless I would even venture to say.   

                I picked up my pen slammed my fist down on the table and began to scribble furiously and thus my prophetic masterpiece was born.

                I strutted down the tan colored walkway outside of the English building; I’m sure in a manner very unbecoming and airhead like catching glimpses of patrons of the school watching my peacockish march. Some rolled their eyes or looked up casually, then going about their business all thinking that I was just another jerk. I didn’t care. Today, with my pen as my sword I was the champion, the hero. And I was damn proud of myself.  I burst through the double doors, continued my strutting past three rooms stopping at the fourth. With a deep breath I opened the door to my professor’s office and with the utmost confidence handed him my essay.

“Take a seat son” he said coolly as if I was there for a pleasant chat or just dropping by to catch up.

                We both knew my grade hung in the balance of this paper. “Let me look over this and I’ll be right with you” he continued as he positioned his reading glasses on his sharp nose and held my paper firmly in two hands as if it would run away if he did not do so.

  By now I would normally be a nervous wreck. My hands would be sweaty and my leg would be bouncing up and down in a fidgety spasm. Not today. I nodded, smiled and took my seat in front of his desk. Calm and collected. My paper was so ingenious there was no possible way he could disapprove. You see, as I sat at home the previous morning staring blankly at this question and as I began day dreaming about the many times my plans had gone erroneous, I had come to several conclusions.   

First, you cannot plan for life. Second plans can go wrong and change at the drop of a hat and if you accept that and roll with it, the little unexpected adventures have the potential of turning out quite entertaining.  And finally anything that can go wrong will go wrong, such is life.

                For instance, last semester I had acquired the bad habit of losing my keys. I had spent many a night at my friend’s house on the sofa due to my “misplacements” as I liked to call them. So I came up with a plan that I thought was truly ingenious. I decided to hook my keys onto my big, red, heavy backpack that would be impossible to lose.

                At first everything did go according to plan. I would go to class or the store or even out with my friends and be able to come home and know exactly where my keys were until a week or so later. It started out as an ordinary day. Got up, got in the shower, ate breakfast, and left for my first class. After the first class was over, I went to the cafeteria to meet up with some friends and then off to my second class. Finally, the end of the day came and like a sloth, I trudged slowly back to the dorms only to realize that my backpack was not on my person.  Needless to say, I spent the night on my friend’s sofa. We made up for it with a zombie movie fest however and stayed up till the early morning zombie proofing the house.

                There was also the time when I got my brand new expensive glasses the day before my friends and I went fishing. I knew with my luck I was prone to accidents and would lose them in the water so I also purchased a retention strap. The next morning I got up, put on my brand new glasses with retention strap, and was out the door. For the start of the day everything was perfectly fine. Just after lunch however, my friend hooked me on the back of the retention strap and flung my new glasses and retention strap, into the water. We both jumped in and spent a good portion of the day swimming, looking for my glasses that we never found, but we had a fantastic day swimming in the lake.

               

                I sat there in his office perched in the large chair across from the man that held my future in the palm of his hand, not just figuratively as in he gives the grade but literally as I said my grade hung on the grade of this particular essay he was scrutinizing. I was feeling very full of myself and I am positive he sensed this because a slight smile came to his face just before he gingerly placed my paper on his desk, folded his hands, and scowled.

                “I’m sorry son but I cannot give you an adequate grade on this paper.” His voice was still as cool as if he was shooting the breeze instead of giving someone devastating news.

                My jaw instantly dropped to the floor. The entirety of my previous swagger was shattered. “I…um…why not sir” I managed to voice, my leg beginning to fidget.

                “Well you see son, your entire essay is based on the notion that you make plans that usually fail and that you are perfectly fine with that and in fact relish your own failure because it is entertaining. It has no relevance to the question; I simply wanted to know of a time when you succeeded that was all.”

                Needless to say I sulked out of his office, down the hall, and out the door from which I had came. I was no longer strutting like the top dog but walking away my head down and tail between my legs.

                The very second I started down the tan colored stone walkway; I was suddenly knocked over, my head ringing from the impact. As I came to my senses I saw that I had run into a young woman. She was a pretty girl and it took me a minute to gain my bearings as I babbled out apologies and scrambled to help her pick up her stuff. When I reached over to grab her notebook from at my feet I noticed her class schedule for the next semester and a particular class caught my eye. It was the very class I had just failed and would be taking again.

                I couldn’t help but laugh as I handed her notebook back.  She asked what exactly I was laughing at, so I told her the best answer I could think of: life. I am not sure she truly understood what I was talking about but she laughed along with me. Feeling my ego coming back to me I asked her out to lunch.

 I had just failed a class that I needed to graduate causing my return the next semester, only to happen to bump into a beautiful young woman who would be taking the class along with me and I would have all summer to work on a plan to go accordingly that would include her and establish my essay for next semester.  The thought made me chuckle to myself all the way to lunch.

                Hey such is life.