FAERIES AT PLAY

I looked out at my garden today

to enjoy my flowers so tall.

I gazed over t'wards the old brick wall

and saw the Faeries at play.

 

perched up high upon a sunflower

I spotted the Faery queen.

She watched her subjects with gaze serene

as they danced for most of an hour.

 

The Faery are such lovely folk;

each with gossamer wings.

Bedecked with golden chains and rings

they dance and laugh and joke.

 

When they became aware of me

watching with quiet joy, in awe,

they laughed and like the wind blown straw

flew off in gay retreat.

 

I still enjoy the colors so gay

of my lovely garden flowers.

Yet each day I watch for hours

to see the Faeries play.

Reviews

[Celtic Cat]

This is so sweet. I love faeries and flowers and this just makes me want to go a-hunting!!! So great...a very nice treat!! Keep 'em coming.....I love this side of you!!

I like the rhyhming sceme you used on this one. Very nice poem. :)

[OrAnGe SmArTiEs]

Aww this is lovely!!
I like it so much!
Very well done!

[Erin Phoenix]

:) I love it!

Its nice and it made me smile...

[Irfan Shah]

I believe its a very good poem and somehow reminds me of the poem "Daffodils" . Upon a few revisions it may be turn out to be very magnificent like "daffodils". The opening is nice and puts such an impression on the reader that he/she feels compelled and curious to read the rest of the poem.

What follows is just a few things which I felt. And I don't think that I will feel the same if I read them again. I have noted down few suggestions which I (being an amateur) think might help you.

I did not like 3rd line, reason being that its kind of repetition of the first line (the looking over things are getting repeated..), I believe, and again its just a personal suggestion/feeling that if you could rephrase the first or third line so that the some what repetition may be dissolved, it would be very good.

Also the repetition of the word gay in two consecutive lines is something which I did not like. The ending stanza is my favorite, however I were you I might have replaced the word "watch" by the word "wait" or something similar (so as to abhor from the repetition of similar-meaning words of watch and see in 2 consecutive lines.).

[O!]

reminds me of one of my favourite books....thats how i imagine it all....nice job on the new rhyme...

x,
O!

[Enigmatic Amor]

Light and bright and sweet. Your words flow nicely and the nostalgic feel is touching. Nicely written, my friend.

[jen]

this is lovely... it reminds me of something you might have heard a minstral sing in long ago days...

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

This is a cute one.... I love faeries almost as much as i love vampires.... The rhyme you use is great... I deffinatly love the feeling of this poem.... Great job!

[Jester]

I love your rhyming scheme! Your creativity is astounding, and I love the way you paint a beautiful picture, wonderful my friend.