Your title and the last line are in the same mood...one of excitement. The rest of the piece speaks of loneliness and boredom. I like the way it starts with little trivial things then builds to the true sadness of futility.
Two grammatical items...1st line of the second quatrain (I believe this is the proper word)
"Nothing on the TV" The word 'the' seems unnecessary if you are following the flow of the first 4 lines.
The other is that I was surprised by the puntcuation mark at the end...but perhaps you intended the uplift.
Perhaps this is much more than you wanted me to say, but I just received a great constructive review last night and thought I'd pass something along in the same vein.
Thanks so much, I really enjoyed the read. Your poetry speaks volumes my friend.
Utterly heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry I didn't come the day you were down in this. I've been a self centered writer lately...trying to get back into the give and take now. So sorry you felt this way. I think you know I can relate...as you've read pieces I wrote on bad days.
This is a great piece. Honest, simple, painful. It's an awesome write about a terrible place to be. Hope you're feeling better now. (((((((((((((((((((many hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
This is so sad... I can't say I know how you feel, but I have gone through similar feelings of loneliness and despair. It's not cool feeling so lost and alone, with no one to care enough to just say "hi". I know. You are by far the best friend I could ever have asked for and I just hope that me being your friend has at least given you less reason to feel like you expressed in your poem. (I hope I have not failed you)
Very lonely. It's a kind of heart-wrenching lonely that pulls and pulls. I fully understand where you coming from in this poem. It breaks me in half to be lonely. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and I often find myself being lonely at all hours of the day.
Lonelyness to the gut, deep emotions reading this, I hope you don't really feel that. Excellent write.
Posted 16 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
Good job. Very melodic wording. I can relate to the feelings portrayed by the poem. One of those should have stayed in bed days. ( lol) nothing accomplished and nothing to do. I love how you can find inspiration in so many little things (even a boring day) !
Wow... I can understand where you come from... I deffinatly keep feeling that kind of loneliness and boredom... I love how you started with the small stuff and then ended it with the bigger stuff.... If you ever need to talk... I'm usually online lol :)
Yeah, I wouldn't call this piece uplifting but that's ok.
I think most good writing comes when an author simply vents onto paper.
That seems to be the case here. It's therapeutic and probably healthier.
Of course that's only if you felt better after writing it.
If nothing else your depression motivated you to write. That's always a positive.
I know that feeling well. Bored, lonely, sad, and just wishing life was over once and for all. Nicely written, even the tone is done in a bored way, if that makes any sense at all. As always, a wonderful write my dear friend. XX
I'm back. New name and profile, but less confusing than having two under the same name. I hope!
G. Harrison Quay is gone and a Messenger is born.
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