Unknowing

Look into my eyes

And tell me you aren’t scared

 

Looking around

Trying not to make a sound

 

Catching your breath

Only to stand next to death

 

Attempting to be brave

 No matter what I say

 

All the while thinking of a plan

 To delay this bloody end

 

But you don’t fool me

 I see you quivering in fear

 

And what a beautiful sight it is

My darling little brother

Reviews

[Imagine Blade]

This is just fantastic. I appreciate how the poem delivers a clear image by using separate lines from left to right and it brings out that there are like two side of the same coin.

As I read it, I think the lines on the left side are what we consider as beautiful and some sort of paradise. But the right represents darkness, truth and cruelty. Just look at those words - Bloody, the end, fear, death.

Yes. The message really stood out.

Great!

[Rika]

Thanks again!!

[The dark story]

Catching your breath
Only to stand next to death

that line was just so touching and great....and powerful too...it's really a mind blowing poem.the emotions are just flowing in it.though i didn't
get why have cut that last line??.
but anyway.the poem is great and the tile too is interesting!!

[The Invisible Girl]

This is really good and creepy! :P

[Castonovia]

Really neat and entirely creeeeepy especially the last phrase being crossed out and the layout of the words, how they're displayed... very cool idea, loved it :)

[Rika]

Thanks!

[Castonovia]

Anytime ;p

[deepblue04]

oh, nice creepiness to it

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the flow of thoughts and the good ending. Good to test the rules of poetry. Allow the reader to get the feel of new thoughts and ideas. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Rika]

Thanks-GD

[Nigaiyuki]

The poem kind of made me shiver (just a little though)
But I really love this!!! And the crossed last line was a great touch too. :3

[Rika]

Thanks!

[Steven Cash]

hmm... different, but very nice

[Rika]

People allways say my style changes alot lol

[RachelReaper]

the last line being crossed out? Great idea. I love the formatting you used for this, it was entertaining to read, the only critique I have is that "site" should be "sight". Other than that, very nice job. It had some fire in it, a spark, which is just so cool to see explode into a full poem.

[Rika]

Thanks ill fix that.

[Muhammad Qasim]

The flow is really good!! nice poem!

[Rika]

Thank you very much!

[Muhammad Qasim]

No problem!

[Ella]

Haha, nice, I love it! :)

[Rika]

Thanks ella!

[Ella]

Swelcome :3