Two Years

A desultory philippic followed by a revelation

It's been two years since the first phone call-
Two years since the question, the rejection-
The thirty minute conversation after the deflection-
The night the cast die should have fallen.

I made a mistake, I moved too fast-
Or perhaps I moved to slow (I'll never know)-
Even so, my intentions were noble, you'd find-
If only you'd asked.

I moved quickly, sensing another, a former brother-
One unconcerned with questions, deflections-
He'd have you, in the end - helped by your friends-
He struck to conquer, aspiring to be your lover.

He'd had others, knew the words and the stories-
Carefully he placed his pieces, pawns out-
Wait for them to play their parts, die to distract from the main bout-
Move in the Bishop, freshly repented from his former glories.

I have borne this wicked cant too long!
It's time for a rant - slip the stream-
Words soaked in venom, held in reserve-
Spit from the back of my throat.

No, not this time - meditate behind a mask-
Slide on a facsimile of a smile, seen more as a sneer-
Save the scream for another time-
Wish them the best of luck (break a leg!)...

I'm sick of sweeping allegories!
Players pretending to perform their parts-
Flustered to fill a gap in a form-
Rote reactions to classic roles.

I'm not one of the chief players, nor was I meant to be!
Shine the spotlight, cast the shadows-
My performance illuminating the plot-
Moving it on while it passes me by.

I am enthralled by the sea of swirling skirts-
The sea of a single swirling skirt...

They will not stop for me-
A body, dizzy- hair spinning free
Hands never stopping, grazing an invisible current-
Spur of the moment, for a movement more.

They never stop, never for a pause-
I cut in, for a time, for a song-
Lockjaw breaks the flow, keeps me from the stream-
A passenger, never to be a part of it.

Flashing lights and noise permeate the air-
Combinations and permutations of distorted beats-
A hint of a melody, quickly quashed by machinations-
Something to chase, a face in a crowd of floating bodies.

Suddenly, the lights quiet! A silence!
An orchestrated pause - respirate- take in the air-
Open eyes see a star.

A small, still voice breaks the silence-
Vibrations of bass pass into the floor-
A whisper brought sense to chaos-
Promised a future free of a past.

The die hangs in the air- transfixed two years too long!
A touch and they fall to the ground, as they always would have-
Fold the hand, the bet is lost- the blind paid a thousand times over-
Get my heart out of hock and head out, free at last.