Last I Checked

The condition for this piece was that we had to use anaphora. I've never typed the same phrase so many times in my life.

The last time I checked, it was perfectly legal to cross the street when the little sign on the opposite side tells you to. The cars normally stop when the light turns red, giving pedestrians enough time to walk across in safety.

 

Last time I checked, the right to drive a car was a privilege, a state-issued right that one could exercise after they had lived the appropriate number of years and passed a test. Last time I checked, the test was too easy. I stand by my position that the test ought to be an I.Q. test. Morons shouldn’t drive. The last time I checked, neither should blond women talking on their cell phones.

 

Last time I checked, turns were not supposed to be made at full speed, nor were you supposed to have headphones in while driving. Having the radio up all the way is simply annoying.

 

Last time I checked, if you had bad eyesight they wouldn’t let you pass your visual test, and you wouldn’t get the chance to take the driving section. Then again, the last time I checked was four years ago, when I last went in to have my own license renewed. In over a decade of driving, not once have I had a ticket, a violation, anything.

 

Last time I checked, failing three times was a sign, an omen if you will. Maybe the powers that be ought to pay closer attention to who they grant powers to.

 

Last I checked, cars had horns. That doesn’t mean they should go about, honking them at every pedestrian who needs to cross the street. I don’t see them using their legs. Even if they have to wait four more seconds, the world will keep turning. Last I checked, there was some sort of soap opera with a similar name.

 

Last time I checked, car manufacturers were adding all kinds of fancy gadgets to their cars. like cameras to help you parallel park, radar that shows obstructions in a driver’s path, voice navigation and built in GPS. Last time I checked, it wasn’t a good idea to let technology do the thinking for you. That’s the sort of topic that spawns horror flicks.

 

The last time I checked, cars could be used as weapons. I believe that the court system uses the term “vehicular manslaughter” in those cases. Last time I checked, that didn’t sound like a fun night.

 

Last I checked, suspending a license didn’t necessarily solve the problem. They ought to run her over. Last time I checked, that was justice. Do unto others.

 

Last time I checked, I wasn’t a statistic, one more notch on the stick, another tally mark. I had legs, the ability to be seen, and hair.

 

When last I checked, people were stupid. Are stupid. Last time I checked, that wasn’t about to change. Not now, not ever. Never.

 

Last I checked, never was an excruciatingly long time.

 

Then again, the last time I checked, I was still breathing. Lsat time I checked, never mattered.

Reviews

[TheKaylaPup]

I really liked this piece, it was a great story with interesting repetition, almost poetic. I also agree with Kymberleigh with everything she said.

[deeps]

I really enjoyed your story. I thought this was very well written.
I like the vivid detail and wonderful imagery. This read very well
Parts of this I found cute. Very well written.