What Happen...

How my boyfriend walked away from me.. when i wanted to fix everything we had...

I stared at my boyfriend, or whom i thought was my boyfriend, as we sat in the middle of that doughnut shop, keeping our voices down to avoid attention, but ears all around still found there way toward us, eyes full of envy and sorrow. My boyfriend.. Juan, shook his head, as if he was done, but i knew better to think that. His dark brown hair stayed in place as his head swayed, despite not being gelled down like he normally had it, or how i remember he normally had it, with me sitting with my light brown hair tied back in a hair-tie, with some strands hanging in my face over my glasses... both our hazel eyes were locked onto each other, wanting to say so much, but with the way this conversation was going i knew nothing we said would make it better. "Juan... I just.. I just want us to be like how we used to be.." I admit, trying to ease the conversation. "Used to be? Angel I'm not 17, I'm not a kid anymore.. I'm a man now, and if you don't like me for who i am now, why are you with me?!" He snaps.. My eyes wide with hurt, and start to tear up. I can feel my make-up smearing, as tears start to drop behind my glasses, but i try and blink them away.. didn't work. "Juan I love you, no man can ever have my heart, but i have my needs to Juan and for two years I have been putting you above my own." "Don't you dare! I have done so much s**t for you Angel.. I've taken you ou-" "Once...." I interrupted him, with a truthful remark.. and it angered him, but i won't let him speak.. "You went out with your friends night after night, and I never heard from you... not even on World of Warcraft you were always to busy for me.. and then get angry when another man would assist me with a quest or homework... I was never your top priority." "Stop it right there!" I go silence... I feel the tears on my face pouring down, as i cough for air over my stuffy nose, i wanted to continue, let him know how much i was hurt.. but i knew someway he would make it my fault... "You to blind to see what i do for you... who stayed up hours on end to make sure you slept when you had night terrors? Who listen to your stories, or tell you one? Who taught you to play World of Warcraft?" I looked down at my hands.. as tears struck my white shirt and dark jeans. I think, carefully how i should speak and how i should react to what has been said... I nodd and look up sniffle first so i spoke clearly and without my nose dripping... and i speak calmly.. "You haven't done any of those things since Valentines day of last year Juan.... Its been a year and and two months... and you don't even log off w.o.w at 8pm to rest with me, and talk about my day anymore." He stares at me, i guess he was thinking, and not able to believe i am right, that i have been neglected, and have been ignored for a year now, left exposed of my pains, and bleeding for sanctuary, or he was thinking about how i could be so naive  and forget that he has been doing what he says... but he hasn't. He bites his lip and looks at me seriously. "You think about it.. i have to been home at 7pm.. if you don't show up at franks by then.. then you broke up with me... if you do, then i guess we aren't." My eyes wide. He is walking out on me... Should i stop him? Should i grab him and pull him Back?... how can i?...

After those words were said.. we walked out of the place.. and i watched with a broken.. no.. shattered heart, that the man i love.. still love, walked away from me, and didn't look back as he kept going... I fell to my knees, i didn't care who watched, or was around me, or who cared... I just fell, and began to cry. I wanted to scream, but i couldn't... it wasn't possible... I lost the man i love. He willingly walked... and i couldn't stop him. I was so hurt.. and embarrassed I didn't know what to do... but i did eventually. He had to know what he lost.. and to help him...
A Month later...
I wrap my arms around man, both of us naked, and exposed as we were at birth, with him laying on me, kissing my tender skin, gently as he felt me under him. My new boyfriend.... my new "lover"
And to help him know what he lost, I'll make him suffer the same pain... while i heal from mine.

This all happened a year ago... this day i write this marks the pretty close day that he walked away from me, and broke my heart... after two months of dating the other man... Juan came and fought for me. I saw the man that i met, and without hesitation, i went to him... and he held me so tight. We're together again... yet i hope.. i deeply hope, history will not repeat itself this year... i don't think my heart could take it... not a second time.