Isn't it?

Has god forsaken me? Has the world... existence, given up on my soul? It feels like it... How people get over loved ones, such as i had, i will never know. How people can love over, and over, and over, and over, AND OVER.... is beyond my reach of seeing.... of knowing.. how it is so easy.. to forget someone, who once held you in his arms, and whispered those words of surrender... how you can wash all the times you shared, and renew yourself... how? Lend me your lips of knowledge, so that my ears, can be granted your wisdom, and so that i to... can forget, and renew my own mind....

Have i gained nothing? Have i lost everything? No, all is not lost.. but yet not all is gained. Through years of tormenting myself, drowning in my own sorrows, my own blood, bearing what no women can say they have... has made me lose the very being i once was... and you... simple... kind... generous... sweet... You... have been put to blame for the crime, i crime that started long before you... but just caught up when you least expect it....

I put you through torture now... i made you suffer... what i had to endure so many many times. Is that fair? Ha, i think not. I think its something i must punish myself for... i dont deserve such a soul as yours, and yet i do. But my twisted mind of darkness, keeps me at bay from reaching you. It keeps me from reaching anyone... it leaves me alone, to wear the wailing of other souls, that beg and plea for me to come, but i cant.. i wont... i dare not move....

What has become of me?.... I cannot say. What will become of me?.... i cannot think. May the light find my abandon body soon, and shed happiness  upon me... maybe then, i shall be free of my past... maybe...