Submerging

Feels like im dying nobody to save me

Drowning in fantasy 

Reality throws me a float

The deeper I sink 

The more fantasy choses to gloat

Darkness appears

My future remote...

 

The louder I yelled the less

Anyone heard

The more I pinched myself 

The more this vision occurred

Life or death? 

It was life I preferred 

Burning in a cold hell 

Dry as a sea bird

Flowing through this fantasy land

Like music to spoken word

 

What am I left to do

Cause all along you knew

The feelings I have are true

Your soul I cling to

Save me

Im drowning in love for you

 

Let me ask you now 

Will you jump in after me 

Or will you disavow 

and let me drown in this fantasy...

Author's Note

I just ask that you be truthful in your reviews...rate on a scale of 1-10 as well and why

Reviews

[Sunny]

I give this a 10
"The louder I yelled the less
Anyone heard"
with a phrase like this how can I not. I felt moved by this piece because of right now I'm going thru personal turmoil and this piece spoke my inner feelings.
10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10!!!!!

[♥ Courtney &hear..]

... babe thats a 10. I loved it. Its so easy for me to relate to and I cant help but crave more of your work. Job well done!

[Shawna Lea]

I think I'm drowning in a fantasy right now. Its that conflict between what you want and what the reality is. It so easy to hold on to that little bit of hope that maybe, hopeful, possibly he will come back.... yeah. I'm fighting that fantasy.
I really liked this poem. I'm no expert, but I woud give it an 8 or 9. I liked it a lot! :)

[Cece]

i love fantasy and full of conflict

[Tania Leigh]

I would give it a seven.....I love all the words in it, and the only thing I can offer is to polish the format a bit, as some of the lines are very long and some very short, and even out the syllable count a bit.

I like the drowning metaphor very much, and it carries through the poem, and I like that you gave reality tangibility in the form of a life preserver, and you gave fantasy a personality....all of those elements really bring this poem to life. I enjoyed this :-)