A Rude Awakening

Michelle woke up in her bed, it was a day like any other with her love laying next to her, the daylight breaking through the window. She got up and out of bed to do her daily routine but something seemed different, almost entirely different. As her mind began to function fully and her sight began to clear she realized dust laid on the floor and cobwebs filled the corners of the room, her lover was gone, instead it was a lump of pillows she had seen in her place.

Michelle was distraught, what could have happened? She stood there staring at the empty space in the bed that was supposed to be her wife. She couldn't begin to think what may have happened. As her feet brushed against the floor, stepping back from the bed, tiny swirls of dust kicked up in the air, disturbed by her foot placement. The house which was usually filled with the sound of its residents was now only home to quiet and darkness. Looking around Michelle moved toward the door to see what became of her house, nothing was different except for the excessive amounts of dust all over the place, along with a few spiders skittering about. Her eyes darted from the floor to the ceiling to see if she could find anything that may give her a hint as to what may have occurred.

Dim light was streaming in through the windows in the house, stepping downstairs Michelle guessed it must have been around morning time, the sun having just come up. Coughing slightly from the small clouds of dusts being breathed in by her. She quickly moved toward the door. Maybe the outside would prove useful in getting more answers.

When opening the door the light shone through to the house, shielding her eyes from the light on her darkness tuned eyes Michelle winced in displeasure from the sun beams. After her eyes began to adjust to her new surroundings she figured out she was in the same place she had always been with the lush forest surrounding the house, where the house was built and where she spent only a few years with her family. Looking back at the house that she would have to abandon Michelle sighed and turned to look at the forest, determined to find her beloved and reunite herself with her.

Something was off however, something wasn’t normal. Michelle looked around the dense forest to see what was bothering her, it was like something was watching her. She heard leaves crunch behind her but before she could turn around fully she was knocked to the ground by a heavily armed soldier. This soldier had armor that was not familiar to Michelle, though in her dazed state she may have not seen it correctly. The soldier seemed to be panicking while speaking quickly into a walkie talkie. Whoever this soldier it appeared that the soldier was new, and possibly scared. Michelle stayed on the ground, in fear of getting up and being hit once again by the frantic soldier, the only words she was able to catch past her own heavy breathing was “awake” and “how” as well as “alive.”

Reviews

[Patrick Roach]

Excellent piece, I adore your writing style.

[Patrick Roach]

Excellent piece, I adore your writing style.

[Samantha Anabella]

Okay, over all your a good writer but you do have some problems to work on.

Have you ever heard of "show, don't tell" ? Well, basically in your writing your telling what going on. Your not describing what's going on, your not making the reader feel like there there. You need to describe feelings, senses and what the character is thinking.

I know it sounds odd and difficult because it did for me so to improve on it I recommended going on thewritepractice.com. I think it will help you understand better.

I would also cut on the large paragraphs. It's okay to make them smaller than your used to! Believe me, all these things I am working on my self!

I also recommend telling the reader is if the cob webs and dust are a usual thing or why it's like that. If you ever get the chance check out my writing, thanks for sharing!