Who these eyes belong to

A short look into me.

            I remember years ago when I was a child. I would look in the mirror and just stare. I would stare into my eyes and feel as if I was not me. I felt as if I was another person. I would wonder why my face and body felt so foreign. Sometimes, I would lose myself wondering why I was so disconnected with the sight of me. I felt I knew who I was and where I was going. I felt I knew what was right and what was wrong as a child. I was blindly forced into making adult decisions, especially when it came to my family. But again, when I stared into my eyes, I did not know this person.

Much of my childhood, I was to figure things out for myself. And as the oldest I was to set the best example for my brothers. Truly, I tried to be a “good” person in the eyes of my siblings. Sometimes, I would make terrible decisions that I would not clearly see until later on in life. I was learning as I saw and felt. As I lived I took words of wisdom and ran with them, hoping to figure out who I was and why I was in this thing called my life.

As the years went by, I gazed again in the mirror and began to see more of me. I slowly began to see the person’s eyes that these belong to. This is when I also started to lose my way. I was no longer sure what I wanted. I was no longer sure where I was going. I was feeling unsure of every step I took.

Everything and everyone changed around me, I was frozen just watching. I felt life actually passing me by. Now when I looked in the mirror I saw myself and I was sad. I watched myself and who these eyes belonged to. I felt unsatisfied and not well put together. Although I now knew who these eyes belonged to. I did not like who I was. My family would say you’re a great man, you’re a good person. To that I would say “great” how so? “Good” and how has that helped me achieve anything? I always say “God is watching…”

I hope he truly is… Because! Although I know now who these eyes belong to, I sure don’t like him who I see staring back at me… So if you are watching, God help me see what I need to be. Let me be what my loved ones say they see. Let me truly see me.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

wow. this is wonderful. Its been awhile since I've read you and its so nice to do that again. This piece hit home for me. I've felt that way too, that there was a stranger in the mirror, or that the person I recognize is not the person I want to be and I pray to be better. A fine write!

[San Herman Lopez a.k.a. Sanzei]

Thanks TL Boehm that means a lot coming from you. I'm trying to get in the rhythm of writing again.

[SilentDream]

I understand the journey in this piece and can relate. I can recognize where I am in this particular journey and I'm interested in seeing how I progress (or regress). We'll see. So I think your piece encourages self-reflection. Nicely done.

[San Herman Lopez a.k.a. Sanzei]

Thank you SilentDream.