Positive Thoughts

A hopeful spark gets drowned by negative shouts.

Chapter One
Positive Thoughts

      Maybe today will be good. Maybe today will be different, thought Lindsay as she washed the awful taste of morning out of her mouth. She wished that every morning, but it never happened. A 'good' day was out of the question. Heck, she was ecstatic when a 'decent' day came along every once in a blue moon. But there was one part inside of her that always believed it could happen, this little speck of hopefulness was the only thing that kept her going. It was like when a fire is dying, and only a spark is left. So you blow on the spark and the fire gets going again.

     She stepped gingerly down the stairs, being careful to miss the one that creaked. She peered around the corner of living the room and as she expected, her dad was passed out on the couch. Sports highlights were humming quietly on the television, and it's soft glow lit up her father's face, making his feature appear even more sharp then they already were. I guess I'm going to have to eat breakfast in the dark again. Lindsay rolled her eyes. Her father was a light sleeper, and even the shine off the stars would keep him awake. She tiptoed to the television and pressed the power button. Bleeeeeoooooooop. She gritted her teeth, luckily, her father didn't even stir. Must of had to stay late at work, she figured.

      Lindsay continued her daily routine in silence. She didn't mind it, being swallowed by darkness. She chewed her granola bar slowly. At least I can enjoy the morning by myself. Even though nobody was there to see it, she forced a smile. She had learned to make even the worst situation positive; after all, it was all she got. Hardly anything in her life was actually great, so she had to turn things around to make them seem good. This confused many of her friends. I wish they could understand. Lindsay took a bite out of her banana. They all have such perfect lives, probably never faced a bad situation in their life. She sneered. Stop it Lindsay, they're your friends, it's not their fault your not doing great. She knew the previous thought was an understatement, but she just let it pass.

      Lindsay went into the bathroom to brush her hair. She lit a cream-coloured candle for light. She took a brush through her hair many times, making it long and silky. Her hair was wavy and went down to her waist, making it quite a chore to brush. It was jet-black, so dark it sometimes looked blue. It went perfectly with her grey doe-eyes. Lindsay's eyes had always been very...open. Not only were they big, but they seemed to catch every detail on a person, from the slightest wrinkle to the faintest freckle.

      Lindsay gave a satisfied look to the mirror. Mornings agreed with her. She had a certain glow to her skin in the morning, and her face looked fresh. She sighed; maybe today will be the day! That pleasant thought was shattered by a familiar bellow.

      "Lindsay! What time is it!? It better not be- Oh my god! It's 8:10! Damn it Lindsay! Why didn't you wake me up!? I have to work the morning shift today!"

     "But Dad, you never told me-"

     "Do I have to tell you everything? God Lindsay! How can a person be so irresponsible?" With that, her father rushed to the kitchen, already in his work clothes, grabbed an apple and rushed out the door.

     Lindsay watched out the window as her Dad's car pulled out of the driveway. Her grey eyes filled with icy tears, softly falling onto the window pane like rain. I can't win.

     

     

 

 

Author's Note

Kindly point out any spelling or grammar problems. I am very inexperienced, so any helpful tips or constructive critisism would be great. Also, I would love if you gave me a review of my writing so far, what you like, what could be added...etc., etc. Thank you very much for reading!

Reviews

[LaLaLuna]

I love it so far. And the idea of the plot is excellent, I've never read a book with a plot like this. The writing is okay, but there needs to be improvement. Don't forget that sometimes you have to use you're (you are) and not your (which is possessive). And some of your sentences start the same too often. She did this...She did that. Lindsay did this...Lindsey did that. If you spice your sentences up, your writing will go from a 94 to a 100.

I loved it so much I'm subscribing and adding this to my favorites. Keep up the good work! I'll be reading more!

[Kalialso]

When i read just the first sentance i thought just switch Lindsay to my name. I have that problem every morning, i always think it's going to be a good day, someone it turns out bad. I know i'l love it know. I'll commment after i read the rest!

[spence]

This is a really powerful opening. I'm very impressed by the quality. Having automatically lowered my expectations on reading your authors note I was pleasantly surprised to get through the whole opening without pause. At the outset it seems perfect for a mainly young adult audience, but I feel it has heart wrenching qualities that would have a much wider appeal- although i won't know that for certain until i read on.
You have succesfully conveyed the tribulations and duress that our 'cinderella hero' has to endure on a daily basis. The atmosphere of this chapter was almost tangible in it's oppressiveness... although i sensed a kind of love and loyalty beneath the angry exchange from father to daughter and imagined that he is a stressed to pieces lone parent with a broken, but otherwise good heart- but exceptionally low tolerance levels. The only thing I can think of that is amiss is that in the third paragraph you write, 'it was all she got' which i assumed should end with 'had', unless this is a colloquilism I am unaware of.
Also- belated thanks for your review of my mouse and snail story- I travel a lot and have to condense my reviews to certain times- I overlooked returning the favour on this occasion- sorry about that and take care, spence

[13.9]

This sounds like a really good start to your book. I like the character you've created; she seems easy to connect with. ^^ I think I spotted a couple of run-on sentences that could be fixed pretty easily with a semicolon, and much like the you're/your that LaLaLuna mentioned, "it's" is an expanded form of "it is" and "its" should be used for possession. Overall, though, it sounds great. :)

[123456789]

I really like it! Awesome job! I like that the main character's name is normal, unlike my main character's name which is Cascade. Its common in a book to make the person have black hair, but I shouldn't really say anything to that because my main character has black hair too. It just seems so temptingto make the character like that, it's like if the main character is normal looking the story is going to be boring.
Great job though I loved it!


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