Slowly Peeling Away the Layers

Audrey



     The contrast of the darkness of my dorm and the light from my computer was making my eyes hurt. I got up and turned on the light of my dorm, revealing the pile of clothes I still have yet to clean up. I tried to focus on my goal, make the twitter account. Why was it so hard to think of a damn user name? I slammed my head to the keyboard, filling the user name bar with “nrf8h3 75t.” I backspaced it. Why am I kidding myself? I knew the reason I couldn't think was because I couldn't focus. All day I was thinking about Noah's eyes.
     In my dream, that Lori woman had those same eyes, and even looked a lot like him. And then all that stuff about getting away? What did it mean? And what could it possibly have anything to do with Noah, if it even did? I wanted so desperately to believe it was just a weird coincidence, but I couldn't bring myself to, but thinking they were possibly related in some way made me start hyperventilating. The image of Lori flashed into my head again: burned skin, scorched hair, and bleeding stitches with that chilling, crippled zombie walk, with Noah's face.
     I shook the image from my head, and made myself focus on the computer screen. In the user name box I typed “xJulietx13.” I wonder what Noah put for Romeo's user name... I pinched myself, and made myself yelp a little. My mind will not wander to Noah. Not now.
     “Okay, password,” I said out loud. Hmm, what could I use for my password? A slow smile spread across my face, and while giggling, typed in “mentalchick?” Yup, that works just perfectly.
     Since that was finished, I fished through my desk to see what was next on my homework agenda, or another distraction to get my mind off of Noah, but other then a few pencils, my desk was empty. Okay, time to check my agenda... nothing. Damn it! I am not going to think about this now. It was just a stupid dream. It meant nothing. In a rush, I made my way over to my window, tripping over the clothes mountains in my room, and opened the curtain. It was a nice October day, about 5:00 and still light out. Maybe a little fresh air would help get my mind off things. Yeah, fresh air would do me good.

     I began to dig through my mountains for something wearable. And came across a black t-shirt, and my favorite pair of jeans, slid both of them on, including my silk green jacket that brought out my eyes, and walked across the door.
     By this time of the day, the teachers were off semi-secretly making out in the teachers lounge, so it gave the students some time to chill, and be left alone for once.
     Walking through the hallways made me want to gag. I never really liked this place. Everything about it just screamed pompous and arrogant. The way too intricate designs on the staircase railing, and occasional painting on the wall also made it seem like they were trying way to hard to be classy. I begged my parents to not send me here, and just let me go to public school like everyone else, but no such luck. They wanted me to reach the peak of my scholastic ability, and thought by sending me here, I would. Instead, I'm barely passing most of my subjects, and probably have the thickest discipline file in this school. I never even liked being rich. I didn't like the feeling of everyone showering me with stuff, and having everything handed to me because of my social standing. Everything about this lifestyle was so guaranteed, but I like the feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next, but this couldn't give that to me. For once I just wanted something to go wrong, like my every store in the country to stop keeping my mom's clothes in stock, or my father's law firm falling through.
     Basically I just want an adventure, a little unpredictability in my life.
I stepped down from the final stair and into the lobby. In the middle of the floor laid a huge logo with a leopard on that read in huge letters, “GO LEOPARDS!” I'm honestly surprised they didn't go with something dainty, delicate, and utterly stupid like flamingos as their mascot. A chandelier hung, and the walls and floor were made of marble down here. Before I barfed, I quick walked to the double doors, and with a heavy push, opened the doors to the outside.
     Breathing in the fresh air instantly gave me relief. The cool fall wind lightly brushed my face, and I felt like I could drink it.
     I began to walk over to the picnic bench under the tree that I liked so much, not making eye contact with any of the other teenagers in the courtyard. The grass smelled fresh, and was neatly cut in a sea of lush green. I lay down on the top of the bench, brushing my bright red orange hair out of my face in the process. The sky had a few clouds here and there, but the sky was glowing blue. Like Noah's eyes... I closed my eyelids tight. I was NOT thinking about it. I breathed a heavy sigh and turned on my side, making my hair fall in my face again. How was I going to work with him if anytime I saw him, I thought of Lori, and how I couldn't shake that they fit together somehow?
     “Audrey, is that you?” a voice called for me. I looked, and saw Noah making his way toward me. Oh no. I got up quickly, and tried to run, but I was too late.
     “What's the rush?” he asked. He grabbed my arm, and I unintentionally snatched it away.
     “I'm sorry, but I was just leaving,” I lied on the spot.
     “You didn't look like you were going to leave anytime soon just a couple seconds ago,” he said, with a smirk. Realizing I was caught, I slowly sat back down on the bench.
     He was wearing his leather jacket, but instead of the uniform that looked so awkward on him, he was wearing a black t-shirt, like me, and gray pants with black splatters on them. It fit him better, and looked good on him. I intentionally didn't look at his face.
     “So did you make the twitter account?” he asked me. I only nodded.
     “What's the password?”
     “Mentalchick, no spaces,” I said. “I think it fits,” I added for a chuckle. And daringly, I looked at him. He was smiling and shaking his head at me. “I don't get it. How does the rest of the world find this play romantic, but you don't?”
     “Because I'm the only one in this world with a brain?” I guessed.
     “Are you implying I don't have a brain?” he asked pretending to be  offended.
     “Maybe,” I answered, and laughed as he flopped on the bench.
     “I envy them a little though,” he said, but then made a face that said “I said too much.”
     “Why?” I asked, now extremely curious.
He opened his mouth, and then closed it, and reopened it, and then closed it again. He closed his eyes but his face as a whole was grim, as if he were remembering something painful, and he didn't look like Lori. He looked like Noah, his own person. He sighed, and sat back up on the bench slowly. He didn't look at me, and folded his hands in his lap. He gave another sigh before starting.
     “I envy them, because their suicides were successful.” he said in a low, slow voice.
     “You've attempted suicide before?” I asked in a whisper. He only nodded, while the rest of his body stayed still. I put my hand on his shoulder. A wind blew through.
     “I don't want to pry, but can you tell me why?”
     “I'd rather not,” he answered quickly. His body was stiff, but a tear slipped through his closed eye.
     “If it makes you feel any better,” I started, “I've attempted suicide too.”
He looked up at me with wet eyes. “You have?” he asked in shock and disbelief.
      “Uh-huh,” I answered. It was about 3 years ago. One day I was just fed up with everything. Tired of the 6th sense, tired of my parents trying to buy my love, tired of my 'guaranteed happiness' lifestyle, and I just downed a whole bunch of aspirin pills. My parents found me passed out on the bathroom floor. I was rushed to the hospital in the nick of time. The doctors said if I stayed there much longer I would have gone comatose by the time I got to the hospital. But I wasn't going to tell him that. Besides, he didn't tell me his reason either. Why should I?
     “Actually that does make me feel a little better,” he said, giving me a weak smile through his tears, and I put my arms around him to comfort him. He put his head on my shoulder.
     “Aw, don't you two look cute?” a mocking voice said. The cold chill up my spine made me go stiff. I didn't have to look to see who it was.
     Desmond walked in front of us. “You have my vote for cutest couple.” he said in that same mocking tone, making a heart with his fingers. And then he held up three fingers at Noah. I looked over to him. His eyes were completely dry now, and he was staring intently at Desmond. His jaw was clenched, and so were his fists. I could see his vain, popping out against his pale skin, making me scoot over a little. Desmond chuckled one last time, and walked away.
The chill slowly went away as he walked farther and farther in the distance.
I feel bad about turning down Noah's offer. I really wanted to help, but I had to worry about myself too. But Wesley was being bullied pretty badly, so did that make me selfish? Oh crap. It did make me selfish. Time to swallow your fear.
     “That jackass!” Noah said through clenched teeth. He was still staring at Desmond as he was walking away.
     “I want to help,” I said before I had time to second guess myself.
     “No need,” he replied instead.

     “What?” I asked, feeling an odd sense of rejection.
     “You don't have to help. I got this. By myself,” he told me, staring at me with revenge ridden eyes that scared the crap out of me, even more so because I was thinking of Lori again, but I didn't let how scared I was show. He got up from the bench and walked away. And I was left alone to ponder my own thoughts.