Welcome to Writers'Café, Fredyman … I hope you enjoy it here, finding the atmosphere friendly, enjoyable, and constructive.
You've composed and shared a very wise and thoughtful admonishment in verse — one we surely would do well to heed.
This piece, though showing promise, needs a bit of attention to the following details to make it really shine: Structure … work on more exacting rhymes, even the line count for smoother flow, make the font a size larger for ease of reading.
Grammar … punctuation lacks, why unnecessarily begin every line with a capital(?), speak with stronger poetical voice (use more original word choices and order of arrangement).
I think your message is clear and concise, expressing your good heart and care toward your fellow-man, for how we live and treasure life (or fail to), and how we should value what we have when compared to how destitute we could be.
A fine effort, Fredyman, that I enjoyed very much … thank you sincerely for sharing! ⁓ Richard
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks a lot for the review, and for being frank. I can now see what I didn't see at first and will .. read moreThanks a lot for the review, and for being frank. I can now see what I didn't see at first and will do what I can to make a change
Welcome to Writers'Café, Fredyman … I hope you enjoy it here, finding the atmosphere friendly, enjoyable, and constructive.
You've composed and shared a very wise and thoughtful admonishment in verse — one we surely would do well to heed.
This piece, though showing promise, needs a bit of attention to the following details to make it really shine: Structure … work on more exacting rhymes, even the line count for smoother flow, make the font a size larger for ease of reading.
Grammar … punctuation lacks, why unnecessarily begin every line with a capital(?), speak with stronger poetical voice (use more original word choices and order of arrangement).
I think your message is clear and concise, expressing your good heart and care toward your fellow-man, for how we live and treasure life (or fail to), and how we should value what we have when compared to how destitute we could be.
A fine effort, Fredyman, that I enjoyed very much … thank you sincerely for sharing! ⁓ Richard
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks a lot for the review, and for being frank. I can now see what I didn't see at first and will .. read moreThanks a lot for the review, and for being frank. I can now see what I didn't see at first and will do what I can to make a change