Slain

I'm expirimenting

 

Slain

 

she battles eloquently:

                           hiding,            

                            darting,

     snapping.

 

in the thick brush of distraction,

her sharpest words      lying in wait,

 

then,

(bang!)            

         strikes and dominates my weakening will;

           

            mauling and devouring         every  

             offered           

               defense,

 

poised teeth at the straining    throat  of my quivering wants,

           

             and hot breath                        lapping           at the skin of my lust.

 

her awkward questions are empowered by their

 

strange shapes. . .

 

like a magnificent Felis serval takes it’s prey,

 

                                   no        escape             from    her      

                                slinky  

                                tangling;

                           instinctual         

                            fluid   

                         attacks.

 

what a graceful annihilation!

              What a lovely kill!

 

I am a most grateful victim.

 

as the struggle becomes an unplanned dance,

 

                                 I expose           my jugular

                                  and say,

 

                    “I love you.”

Author's Note

It's like a new dance. Tell me if my moves suck.

Reviews

[Emily B]

Fluid is a good word. Engaging is another. I think it works. Especially the spacing and the way the lines move. That's my story. I enjoyed your imagination. Felis serval, I had to stop and think about that a minute. But, I think, that the final opinion about whether or not your moves suck probably comes from within your own home. Don't tell us how it works out for you. We probably don't like you that much. :)

[Lauren Beth]

Wow I really enjoyed this piece. I love the structure of it...like a dance, as you compare it to. Fits the emotion of the poem. Especially like the ending...I know how that feels, to expose yourself...in love...even if it means sure death ;)

[Robert Francis Callaci]

Very inventive- enjoyed the structure of the poem as well as theme- being sucked willingly in passionate lust and debauchery by a sultry psychic vampire. A fun and lively piece...

[Drew Wade]

This is a great one. I really enjoy the way you moved the words together and apart. Really the way you have the lines going back and forth, it is like a dance, between the attacked and the attacker.

the only thing I dislike about this poem, and it's not a big thing, is the title. I don't like it for some reason. take that for what you will.

'I expose my jugular
and say,

"I love you."'

right there, that gets to the crux of the matter.. cat, woman, whoever.. sometimes we know we're going to die and we do it gladly, just to be with them. even if they're the killer.

[Lady leah]

Very nicely penned write, I disagree with what emily says.