Denial

An excerpt from a book about two siblings dealing with the loss of their mom.

A figure watched Jonah and Amaya as the two children collapsed on the couch.

It would have been a familiar sight, except the children's faces were red from hyperventilating and crying. The worn down brown leather couch hugged the two grieving siblings. An antique-looking lamp, dimly lit, illuminated the fresh tear marks lining their cheeks. Outside a tinted window, the evening was peaceful.

The sun was very nearly gone, even though it was only 6 PM. What faint light it gave off was absorbed by dark clouds. The moon seemed even smaller than normal, shrouded by cirrus clouds. Unless you were aware of the exact location, it would be difficult to spot.

There was the faint jingle of chains as a dog ran down the sidewalk with his owner. The retriever barked playfully at a flock of birds in front of him, sending them twittering away in alarm. A barbecue was going on two houses over. The normally ravenous six-year-old didn't have any reaction to the smell of cooking shish kebab and burger patties. In fact, Amaya had gotten so exhausted from the events of the day that the moment she laid down, she passed out.

Sitting over her, Jonah wasn't quite sure if falling asleep right after crying for so long was a good idea, but at the moment, he couldn't find the breath to say anything.

The teen sat, blankly looking at the black screen of the TV. Trying to comprehend everything that happened, trying to start taking more responsibility in one day had worn him down.

Too much to think about.

All Jonah could think was that he had no idea what to do next. His brain was so full of things to think about, that he couldn't focus at all. He sat there for a while, unable to keep track of time. Sometime during all of his thinking, he realized that Grandpa was still out. Was he going to leave them too? This thought scared Jonah, which made him mad. People don't have a right to make me mad anymore. Urged into action by this thought, he stood.

Amaya's head, which originally had been resting on Jonah's shoulder, fell onto the couch. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up. She must have been sleeping deeply.

Jonah got to the storage cabinet, passing the bookshelf. Was there something missing? He shrugged it off and kept looking for what he had in mind. He shuffled through old workbooks, broken toys, and baby bibs from when Amaya was a toddler.

He had to dig deeper.

Jonah stepped into the cellar, where they kept foods that waste space in the pantry, coughing at the overwhelming smell of spices. Mom always liked to try cooking with foreign tastes, he thought warmly for a moment, but then remembered.

His smile collapsed. He would have cried had he had any more tears.

As if someone was trying to distract him, Jonah stumbled into an old Lego house. He inhaled sharply in surprise, recognizing the design of the Weasley house.

Over the summer, Jonah had read the Harry Potter series. He wasn't really a reading person, but there was something about the magic and monsters that drew him to the book.

When Jonah was about the reread the first one, Amaya came running into his room crying. She had fallen down and scraped her knee on the gravel in their driveway. Jonah felt reluctant to abandon what he was reading but realized that without Mom, Amaya didn't know how to bandage it herself.

Jonah helped her clean it out with hydrogen peroxide, dabbing it with cotton swabs. She winced but didn't say anything. He had to dig a bit in the medicine cabinet for a larger band-aid.

He gently covered the no longer bleeding scrape with it, then quickly rushed to continue reading. He hadn't even taken out his bookmark when Jonah heard a sniffle. He glanced up to see a teary eyed Amaya in the doorway.

“Amaya,” He said with hints of exasperation in his voice, “What do you want?”

“It still hurts,” She whispered,

Jonah remembered the alcohol he rinsed it off with. That stuff did sting. Racking his brains for something to distract her with, he blurted, “Do you want me to read to you?”

She nodded hesitantly, cheering up a bit as she plopped onto the couch next to him.

Jonah wasn't even sure if she could understand the plot, and Amaya stopped him frequently to ask about the definition of a word. But as he read on and changed his voice to match the characters, both became captured in a different world.

Even though it was summer and both were sweating, the temperature seemed to drop down to freezing when Harry went out to the forest in the middle of winter. They held their breath as he reached for the Snitch, Amaya bursting into a fit of giggles when Harry spat it out of his mouth.

“That's weird.” She laughed.

“Shhh,” Jonah gently reminded her, “I'm going to keep reading.”

And he did. He finished two more chapters when he realized that Amaya had fallen asleep, all pain long forgotten.

“Jonny,” She said drowsily, “Can we do this again?”

Jonah nodded. He would have been lying if he said that he didn't have fun too.

He was about to continue reading when he stopped to grab another bookmark. He marked the place where Amaya had nodded off. For next time. He watched his sister as she grew very still, letting out little snores.

Jonah looked at the front door hopefully, but even after staring at and hoping, nothing happened. Mom probably took another shift, He thought dejectedly, Looks like I'm tucking in Amaya alone again. He went to go wake her and helped her brush her teeth- Amaya falling asleep on her feet. He picked out clothes for her, and tucked her in as she fell asleep face down on her bed.

Still no Mom.

Jonah sighed, futilely thinking that by the time he finished the book, she would be back from work. She's not going to come back until midnight, a little part of him nagged, but he stubbornly stayed on the couch, reading.

Jonah’s mom would find him later with his head slumped over and the book on his chest, fast asleep.

After that night, reading Harry Potter became a tradition between the two siblings. Whenever either of them was feeling down, frustrated, or murderous, the feel of the worn leather couch and a fantastical world was enough to calm them down.

When Grandpa had found out about their love for Harry Potter, Christmas became something different. With some of his retirement money, he stocked the kids up with a Harry Potter blanket, necklace, and a Harry Potter Lego set.

It was Grandpa that was always supportive, and Jonah had come down to the cellar to keep Grandpa out of the house. To feel the satisfying revenge of abandoning the man who cared about him. He was willing to do anything to relieve this pain, the conflicting emotions that filled his mind and jumbled his thoughts.

He found himself collapsed on the ground, head facing down and tears staining his cheeks. When he was breathing a little slower, Jonah looked up.

He was staring right at a razor.

Author's Note

Dennis isn't in this story and it makes me sad.