Every Now and Then

A poem about my anxiety

Even when everything appears to be fine,

I constantly worry that one day I'll wake up

with my world caught up in cackling fire,

the embers I used to adore now licking me alive,

the smoke unseating every pocket of oxygen,

the flames dismantling every secret I have kept safe in my chest.

 

My world seems to be a house of cards

and whoever is in charge loves to play with matches.

 

I can't have a moment of happiness untouched by doubt,

as if every second I'm alive is a trainwreck waiting to happen

and I always have to brace my arms for impact.

 

Always am I counting the ways to clean up the crimson mess

even before the first blood splatter.

 

How nice would it be to just let these arms dangle side by side, burdened no more,

to let go of every fear that fills my ribcages with wrecking balls?

 

I don't know.

 

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Once again you have a knack to accurately describe in verse the deep emotions and cognitive pathways taken by someone still struggling with anxiety and self doubt. You make the reader almost feel it too but want to be there to stop the pain.