Chapter 2 Mental Health

This is a partial chapter

Chapter 2: Mental Health (The onset of self esteem and abandonment issues.) 

 I am adopted 

    I would love to say I could still remember what started the argument. Such minute details have long since faded. Had the occasion not been so common, maybe it would have been more memorable. The anger, the yelling...the retribution enacted on a nine-year-old child. Momma was mad again and it was my fault. Could my present anger issues be a learned behavior? A coping mechanism? A defense mechanism to keep from ever feeling like that 9-year-old again? I remember the venom in her voice. "Go live with your father" she spits as she pointed to my brother. Only a few moments before, my world had made sense. The rage poured out along with the tears. How could she say such a thing? HE'S MY BROTHER! I have a dad... don't I? I am, after all, named after him. It was all a lie. Running out of the house, I slammed the door behind me. I can still hear my world shattering. Out on the porch I burst into tears. Then he came out. I just wanted to be left alone. Looking back now, I think what I wanted most was for the uncertainty to go away. I would go on to spend more than two decades building my own personal hell in which to hide from that uncertainty. Strangely, I would learn to find solace in engineering the chaos that would ultimately engulf my life. I surmise the self destructive behavior to have become to me an expected end. It wasnt long till my grandparents got a divorce. My Grandfather moved into a house at the other end of the block, so he really didn't go far. The wedge was soon driven firmly between me and him by my Grandmother. The empty feeling of the house, compounded by the lonliness only served to fuel the depression that would haunt me for years to come. It was my constant. It was my normal. To disconnect from the world and retreat inward became my way of coping with life. I learned to find comfort in the loneliness. Acceptance is only an issue for those who aren't alone.

Author's Note

This is my first book and I am learning as I go. All comments welcome especially those concerning structure.