Discourteous

Discourteous

Francis Munoz

He had a pair of shades on, and walked in like he was the center of attention.

He was looking down to his phone, as he tried to hook up one of his friends with this one chick.

Marie was speed walking, rushing to get to class on time.

They bumped into each other.

Luke’s loud voice boomed, “You idiot, watch where you’re going! ”

Marie was frozen she never received such rudeness in school.

She was frustrated but wanted to stay positive so she said, “I’m sorry.”

Luke said, “Better not happen again you dumb b***h.”

He walked away.

Marie wanted to cry.

Marie proceed to class and wanted to tell one of her friends what had happened.

But she decided to keep it to herself, she was not going to let someone bring down her mood.

Later on that day during lunch she saw that rude stranger once again.

She casually passed him by, keeping to herself.

But he would not let it go.

As Marie passed the stranger she heard mumbling and giggles.

She peered behind only to find them laughing at her.

Without being aware of her surroundings she fell to shame over a crack in the pavement.

She laid there on the floor thinking about life.

Ten minutes passed by, there she laid.

She heard footsteps approach her.

“Why, are you on the ground still?”A familiar voice asked.

“Please leave” She said.

“Come on, get up.”

“No leave!” She said as the stranger lowered his hand.

She hadn’t even noticed that people had started leaving to class,

until she looked around in confusion.

He took off his sunglasses and looked her in the eye seriously.

All of the sudden he asked her out.

Marie was in complete shock.

She thought *First he wants to be rude and now he likes me?*

She did not like boys like Luke but she couldn’t deny that she was attracted to him.

But Marie didn’t like his rudeness so she politely said, “No.”

His response was, “Good!, my friends just dared me i would never ask you that” he laughed.

She was done. She smacked him dead in the right cheek right in front of his friends.

Of course they laughed, but the professor that witnessed everything did not.

The professor took her to the dean, she had to pick up everyone's trash around campus for a month.

*How can people that do good deserve such negativity?*

During this period of time Luke was being despicable to Marie.

He would throw his trash on the ground and tell his friends to do the same.

She asked him to stop one day and he left even more trash.

When her trash pickup was over she was completely liberated.

She was still confused on why he was mean to her, so she decided to ask his friend.

His name was Fred, he was equally as charming but he was the nicest one.

“Hi Fred” She said.

“Oh hey, Marie right?”

“Yeah we have math together. Um can I ask you a question?” She questioned.

“Yeah what’s up?”

“Why is Luke always messing with me?” She said.

“Oh… that. You remind him of his sister, he always fought with her.”

“His sister?” She said

“Yeah, um she died a couple years back, it destroyed him.”

“How did she…. Um wow. That’s why huh?” She said

Marie felt terrible.

“Can you tell him I’m sorry about his cheek?..I just didn’t expect to hear that.. Thank you for telling me.”

“Will do and you’re welcome…” Fred replied.

She walks away and chose to forget about his unkindness and the whole situation.

Reviews

[J.C]

The beginning started off really nice. It was simple and straight to the point. I suggest using a bit more imagery and description (you don't have to, just my opinion). I like the idea of the story and how he was rude because she reminded him of his sister, but maybe add a conversation between them or something?

[Lol Thats Life]

Dear Francis, you seemed as if you knew where you were going ,but then that all changed " all of a sudden". The beginning was nice and simple a few mistakes here and there and everywhere. I really liked the part when the young lady by the name of Marie trips in front of the rude crowd, but I feel as if you should have gave her the emotions of sadness to the point of crying. Just next time make sure to proof read, overall your story was enjoyable. Keep on writing I see a bright future ahead of you.

[Aliaksandrauna]

Good story. It's a very interesting format for a story, every sentence being in it's own line. It's unusual but it's not bad, I think it's creative. I think you could put more description into the story for more transition throughout the whole thing because right now it seems like it's a bit choppy, jumping from one scene to another instead of it all flowing together. Overall I think you did a good job.

[Jane]

I like the story idea :D But maybe instead of just saying "she wanted to cry" try something like "Tears began to drown her sapphire eyes but she refused to allow even one to fall." Try to use imagery to explain how the characters feel and maybe be more descriptive on what the characters look like and what the setting is :) Just my opinion XD but I have to say I love how you made me feel anger and sympathy for Luke :D