Curling up in a void until you think it's a dream

What does it feel like to ride a wave? What pure emotion comes from such a simple gesture? Read it in my new story.

I believe that the aspects of a life that are detrimental to one's health stem from feelings and paranoia that have become personal that the "others" leave you inside over the years. If they are strong they will grow like seeds sprouting a hatred and insecurity that could persist. We must fight them, burn them on time, navigate them with the same violence the rigid values. They're nothing but steel weights that can be easily dissolved in a sea of ferocity, yours.

"What are you doing?" He asks me for such a sweet woman's voice.
"I scribble something on my notebook"
"the usual thoughts from chronic anxious?" Continue the most candid voice I know. Blonde hair not groomed but smooth, clean, fluffy. They smell of coconut and happiness from a free and carefree world. From her comes the charge of every night, the shock of the podium before jumping over towards the curled ocean wave. I'd talk to her differently if it wasn't that I'm afraid to turn her away.

"No more, a few words to go on," I answer by biting myself internally believing I've said too much. I must lighten the words, be sweet, friendly, tender without such a harsh sense. Try not to unnerve the conversation. We look at the sea in front of us, its iridescent color changes considerably from one ocean blue to another indefinite dark color. It's psychedelic what can make you feel such a heavy amount of salt water. You can't drink it, or take it home in a container because a single drop uprooted from the others would give off a smell, as if it could exhale the breath.
"It's time soon"
"yes soon," I say, looking at her. As we speak, we manage to take a breather just for us, a particular ratio of synonyms thrown between words and echoes on a stretch of fine sand that flutters to throw you a grain.

She is beautiful, I have no other way of describing her, her round face brings me good humor, the red throats of sun suns scalded as touched by a hot kiss that I wanted to give her. The thin neck takes me straight to her sin-to-do body for a hot summer of day and fluffy by night. Her breasts are plentiful and yet they seem to shrink after every look I throw secretly so as not to make me discover and ruin everything. I begin to get used to their presence under the tank top and a triangle costume that lets me look quietly. I would make love to her at any moment, under her will and pleasure, I would throw to the fire every masculine idea of sexuality in order to make her happy, in order to caress her long and lasting orgasm. I admit I imagined how I had made it possible, in any bed of a house with walls that taste like a family in a unique tone. I and a beagle who listens to our yelps from behind the door.
I dropped reality to lose myself in a dream I realize waking up from it finding her face so close to mine. Wait persevering as I try to get information from my motionless expression. What is this? A friendship? A healthy principle of non-suffering where two beings of the opposite sex meet hoping to achieve only happiness. Digging carefully in search of a wreck declared missing, Are we this? I hope not.

"There we are," She says again, almost repeating herself, until now the silence has dominated our scene and the pour of words has unfolded like timely thunder inside me. I have no control over these storms, I hope they don't catch me at sea, ever.
I take my board looking at an imaginary line that cuts a distant horizon, half the sky for half the ocean. The following steps lead me to see the expanse of water shine up close. Calm as a slight stir of mixed feelings. It's all so dark and confusing, I proceed to confidence feeling an extreme emptiness beneath me. Exactly a hole not so deep but wide as if I could touch it sinking but I could not quantify it or just rub against the limits of an underwater wall. A cone of soft light from a clear moon manages to dominate for a few moments leaving me to catch a glimpse of two other men riding their boards.
I feel the hairs straightening under the wetsuit, the fire blazes inside the stomach, the hair, only at this moment Can I conceive their existence and feel them really attached to the head. A first wave hunchback lifts me up and then lets me down placidly, this wasn't mine. Maybe someone else. Mine will come later, I might as well sit with my legs dangling in the water forever waiting for something that inspires me to put my feet on it and guide the strength of an imposing wave for a couple of minutes. I hear some screams of joy coming from the beach, it's been successful.
A giant different from the previous three mounts under the saddle, this time it's my time. I help myself with a short push to get closer to the ridge, I will stay for a while I have to hurry if I have to freeze this emotion and make a private popsicle to suck over and over again until I keep the wooden stick in my mouth for a whole year.

The soft curling of the wave reminds me of a hug I received years ago, my father gave it to me right after my mother died. He took me with his strong arms and held me three minutes and forty seconds, I felt like a cocoon that could not explode or let itself be submerged. This wave is just like that. I do not even notice the cures I take not to fall and maintain a perfect balance made of muscular algorithms and much more that I declare incomprehensible to a human mind. I'm inside bending my back touching the walls with my hand, there is no noise possible that I can decode, it is only the sea and my body wrapped inside. Here and I do not know where else I could lock myself away from the bad memories and seeds of hate received that unfortunately hit me hard rooting strong and scratching my person until I took possession of my moments. I don't know any other place where I can keep all this out, nothing that happened can attack me in a wave. They can't get to me, they're as far away as they belong to another hemisphere.
The night illuminates how this altar of mine can fall in love with life, blowing a gentle breeze that slams against the salt water cone and my damp body protects itself as it can push forward to gain speed and reach the point where it will end up mingling with its granite sea down the banks and I'll plan gently until I touch dry sand and end up relaxing at the hot fire of a group of smiling friends. I would like to do it again every time I want it but it would be an exploitation of opportunities and resources. There is no eternal sea or a wave always ready to lift you up and protect you from your personal woes.
I earn respect by riding to the end while with my face turned I greet that last stretch of liquid that pushes me with the last forces to where I can touch the seabed and approach the beach. I think he recognized me and kindly accompanied me to the land, can not bear all this for such a long time, even the sea has a moral limit. Even the waves can't stand everything we tell them.
I get a pat on the shoulder, a nice high five from a good friend, and I come back to sit next to Julia.
"You were great" says her
"Really?" I ask, hiding the tears along with those of the sea.
"You slipped gently without coarse slips behind you, then you disappeared into the curl and we thought you had fallen but just as we were looking for you with your eyes you came out of the cone until you came like a silent rocket on the bathroom dries, it was something of so pure and beautiful" All in a breath I tell what I experienced first person then surprise takes my head in his simple hands without glazes applied or plastic nails and leaves me on the lips his best kiss. I have the same grout as when I believed in a universal emptiness squeezed by a spontaneous embrace of being able to ride anything. Lives, faces and parasites from which I suffered much more than just humiliation.

Reviews

[Vin]

Wonderful read. Please add more conversations as u're good in that!

LOVE