Red, Black and the Sax

Mid 1920's, Chicago...The uptight, daylight people living above the radar in need of loosening up...Take a trip to a shadowy building, abandoned in the day, wakes up at the midnight hour, in the underground...

Clickety clackety shoes cut up the stage,

Red sequins flash with a grin, blond curls and skirt spin.

Prohibition brings blurred vision, blocks my gaze,

Waitress smiles, white teeth, in this room, dimly lit,

in this dream, whiskey-made.

Comedians booed, knocked off the stage, she takes their place,

Play that saxophone, that sultry jazz, dance charleston steps.

Chicago, in night's cover, lives an underground race,

She talks from the stage, opens and closes her rose red lips,

Seductive hips swing to bass.

Calm and cool, yet intoxicated, he watches from afar,

She exits the stage, applause and boos reign, he floats across the floor.

Fedora man, walks tall and handsome, black shades for the affair,

Crisp black suit to match, he utters the smooth words underground, they flow,

To seduce red dress lady, legs bare.

The dream continues, drinks and jazz and good times play in

The Chicago underground

But only under the cover of night.

Reviews

[Azeremen12]

I liked this alot, but why the set up (ie. "mid 1920's, chicago...). It does not add to it and the poem is saturated with the theme of the era to where you cannot mistake it for anything else, so why the little introduction? Also, I do not know if you meant to make this a work of straight prose. You have a rhyming scheme but your meter is random. This is troubling as poetry should flow (or not if it's prose), but here you're neither here nor there.
Again great piece, but make it tight and you'll have something exceptional.

[Orlando Murcia]

What a masterful visual piece you have

here Francesca..

Excellent Excellent imageary


Well done sweetheart


Orlando M

[Maya Storm]

This reads like old Chicago, I hear the sounds as I read, you captured the essence of the time extremely well.

[.quan.011.]

Nice ton,e very well written, and I love the word choice. I love the description as it feel like a short story hidden in the poem. Nicely done.

[Greg Close]

Nice mood you set, and great use of all sorts of official poetic goodies like alliteration! The first stanza really puts me right in the scene and the rhythm has this jazzy feel to it, even. Really nice!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I must say your poem is quite captivating... your words brought the scene to life in my mind.

[Lane-roe]

I love the imagery you use in this poem, "red sequins flash with a grin, blond curls and skirt spin"- it sets the scene nicely. And the line "in this dream, whiskey-made" captures the setting so well. Great poem!

[An owl on the moon]

You bring to life the sights and sounds and that sense of yesterdays... drifting us all into the dreams of Chicago... and jazz echoing in the night. Powerfully descriptive.

[Kyle]

I LOVE Chicago! And this writer really captures it somehow.