Deceptions (Chapter 4)

I returned back to the Cherlot house preoccupied and avoided Vivi's concerned questions.  Truthfully, I was terrified of going back outside this afternoon, but I felt obligated.  "To earn my keep" as Bethany had suggested.

Throughout the day, my terror increased but I managed to keep it quiet.  I helped Viviana cleaning.  While she could use her powers to effectively wash dishes and fold clothes without touching them, I had to do it manually.  With my skill, I'd probably blow up a plate or rip a shirt in half.  I just couldn't concentrate enough to make it perfect.

Our powers, otherwise known as Cregandos or "Dos" for short, are split into two types.  Dos that can create (Cres), and dos that can manipulate objects that already exist (Gans).  Gans is supposed to be the easiest type of Dos, but for some reason it was difficult for me.  Sure, I had no problem manipulating people into doing what I want, but things like causing a shirt to fold perfectly without touching it, and moving a group of trees out of the way just by concentrating...That was difficult for me.

Cres came easily to me, and I could make almost anything with my gifts.  The hard part about Cres was controlling it; that was clear to me when I almost drowned Vicious.

Sometimes it was frustrating not to be able to use these powers and I made it more so by just not using them, which created a mental block for me.  That made it even harder to perform Gans!  The only time it was easy for me was when I was getting revenge, like last night with Bethany.

There was also a group of powers named Alcas, which went beyond the normal range of abilities.  Only very developed and intelligent Povras could create an Alcas.  We create Alcas, they're not already known.  For example, twenty years ago, one Povras learned how to travel through time.  Just last year, a person who'd graduated from my school gained the ability to have wings at will.  You can use Alcas that have already been created, if you can master them.  I had no hope of creating or using an Alcas if I couldn't even get the basics down.

An hour or two after lunch, I headed out to fetch Amadis, Jean-Luc and Julia from school.

It was sprinkling, little puddles being formed in potholes on the road.  On the way there, I saw numerous posters with the same picture of me from the newspaper this morning, all demanding that I be found.  With all of these pictures and my name everywhere, that would make it easier for Esperanfort's enemies to find and kill me...When would those idiots at the palace learn how to protect their kingdom?

It was creepy seeing my face stare down at me from every corner and I became more nervous, even though I knew I was barely recognizable.  It felt so strange being hunted.  But these clunky boots, my eccentric appearance and the fact that I'd been stopped by Acquis earlier made me nervous that I would be found.  I was so jumpy, that when I stepped in a little puddle the resulting splash scared me so badly I screamed.

I reached the school ten minutes early and waited for the children to descend the front steps.  It was a small school, a brick building with green shutters around the windows.  Schools in Esperanfort taught children basic skills, such as Esperans, math, science and history before teaching Cregandos at the higher levels.  Before I left Verte, I'd been in the second to final class.

Jean-Luc and Julia came out together first and both greeted me enthusiastically, but I could tell they were still secretly making fun of my costume.  Amadis came out a few minutes later and we set off back home.

All on the way back I kept looking around nervously, and about a third of the way back I saw them again!  The two Acquis from before.  The tall one I knew pointed at me and asked something of the shorter one.  This one was older, seemed exhausted, and had already denounced his suspicions of me earlier, so I expected him to tell the other Acquis to leave me alone.

I was wrong.  They began to follow me at a fast walk.  I picked up pace, earning complaints from the children.  We were almost at an alley we could turn down and disappear, and still make it back to the house...

I could sense their eyes on me and jumped when one of them shouted "Stop!" I grabbed the kids' hands, shirts, whatever I could get my hands on, and ran.  We turned down the alley, Jean-Luc and Julia screaming and slowing us down.

Amadis seemed to realize something was wrong and began to hurry Jean-Luc.  I held on to Julia as we burst out of the other end of the alley.

I looked back.  They had just started to run down the alley so we ran towards the house, twenty feet away in the opposite direction...ten feet...the rain was coming down hard now...We were in the yard!  Running to the door, we were all admitted with a quick flash of red light each and I slammed the door shut before the Acquis had reached the end of the alley and started twisting their heads in all directions, wondering where we could have gone.

I slumped against the door, out of breath, and turned to see Viviana staring at me and the soaking wet, terrified children.

"What on earth happened to you?" She exclaimed disapprovingly, her huge eyes roving over all of us.

I swallowed, hoping to God none of the children would speak.  "It was...raining. A lot. So we ran." I gasped between each word, still out of breath.  Viviana stared at me for a few more seconds, and then walked away to get us towels with which to dry off.

Antonin finally came home around seven and we were preparing for dinner.  He kept shooting me questioning glances until I finally told him under my breath while setting the table, "They weren't there.  Everything's fine, no one suspects me."

His face immediately cleared up.  "That's great, Adriana!  You'll be safe here."

I smiled back, but guilt was gurgling inside me.  I knew it was a lie, but I couldn't stand any more fuss over me.  I could protect myself, as I proved today by outrunning the Acquis.

I ignored Bethany as best I could during dinner and was not looking forward to being alone with her for another night.  She was extremely quiet, as usual, but threw me a few hard glances under her eyelashes.

"Mom, are we still going shopping tomorrow?" Julia asked, her mouth full of potato.

"Chew first before you ask me a question." Viviana responded. Julia rolled her eyes as she chewed hurriedly, and then repeated, "Mom, are we still going shopping tomorrow?"

"Yes.  I figured Adriana can wear another costume this time, a prettier one, and then no one will notice her again."

She smiled at me and I returned the expression, but secretly, I was worried.  I liked getting out of the house, but if they're supposed to be protecting me, shouldn't I be more...well, hidden?

I could barely sleep that night as I thought of Verte.  It was difficult to admit, but I missed my dad.  I also missed my freedom in Verte with my dad nearly always being away.  I really missed Vicious also and wondered if I would ever see him again.

Rolling over in the dark, I saw Bethany's dark form breathing deeply in sleep.  I sighed, remembering my assumption yesterday morning that Rechoi would be more fun than Verte and a better place to live.  I was wrong; I missed the simplicity of Verte and of course the familiarity.  Rechoi was less than an hour away driving, but it felt like I was in a different country.

What if I ended up getting caught?  It's not like I had anything in Verte to live for, and everything in Rechoi was going badly so far.  It felt like my entire life has been filled with nothing, and a desire to fill that void of nothing with reckless actions.  So, what if I get caught?

I'd have something new to live for, something more exciting and more challenging.  I wouldn't have to follow authority, I'd be the authority.  I'd be at risk of death, however...at this point, anything seemed better than the suffocating loneliness and unfulfilled feeling I was suffering now.

Despite living alone most of my teenage years, I'd never felt more lonely and isolated than I did living here now, with seven other people for company.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day we were out shopping.  Rechoi had a nice, outdoors shopping center with clothing stores, music shops and restaurants.  

Today I was dressed in a long, baby pink dress and pink heels and, once again, blond hair.  Though this time it was straight and rather pretty, I still couldn't get used to seeing a blond girl looking at me from the mirror all the time.

After eating a dish of paella with the family, we split up to go to our favorite stores.  Viviana took Pierdo and Julia to look for clothes, while Antonin took Amadis and Jean-Luc to walk around and browse the specialty shops.

It was another cloudy day in Esperanfort, and the cobblestone road glistened with the morning's rain.  I decided to shop for clothes a bit, but got frustrated easily because nearly every store I entered, Bethany also happened to be there!  It was like a game.  Whoever happened to be in the store first got to stay there, while the other stalked away angrily to go somewhere else.  It was just impossible to stand each others' presence.

Getting sick of the cat and mouse game, I walked around outside for a while by myself.  I thought I wouldn't get as many strange stares or questions today, but I was wrong.  Everyone kept asking, "Are you an American girl from the California Settlement?"

"No." I answered flatly, vowing to not accept another blond wig from Viviana ever again.  To get away from all of the questions and stares, I retreated to an empty, grassy area behind the stores.  It looked like a place where the employees would come to smoke on break; the grass was very untamed, the backs of the stores were unkept and garbage bags piled up next to trucks delivering items.  However, at the moment, no one was outside back here except one fat Povras leaning against the wall of a building at the far end.  He had an apron on, so I supposed he must have been a cook for one of the restaurants here.  He glanced at me and waved.  I nodded back and then turned away from him to find somewhere more private.

Before I could take more than a few steps, I was startled by the appearance of a rabbit.  It came out of nowhere but immediately blocked my way out of the little backstreet.

It was all white with red eyes...an albino rabbit!  When I stepped to the right, he would move to his left, blocking me, and vice versa.  I crouched down, eyes narrowed at the strange, fluffy animal.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, the little red circles that were his eyes boring into mine.  I was almost entranced by the strange little creature, and reached out to pet it.

Bad.

When I touched his body, the rabbit converted into something monstruous.  It grew at least six feet wider and taller, sprouting fangs, all within a ten second time frame.  I stood and backed away from him, completely stunned, but he began to chase me with strong hops.  I tried to run around the monster rabbit but he reached out at me with his front two paws as though he wanted to grab me.  Panicking and confused beyond belief, I ran toward the fat Povras who had waved to me earlier.

He pointed to the back door of his restaurant and held it open for me so we could both run inside, away from the monster.  He slammed the door shut and we both looked through the small window in the top part of the door.

The rabbit was back to normal.  No longer gnawing with monstruous fangs, nor with car-length feet and arms.  He hopped over to the grass and began to chew it.

"What the hell was that, eh?!" The worker screamed at me, throwing his hands in the air.  I shook my head, completely lost for words, and left the restaurant before he could berate me again.

Nervously, I kept glancing over my shoulder to see if the psychotic bunny was following me.  I reached Viviana and stayed next to her until we left.  

What the hell was with that rabbit?! I asked myself in the backseat of the car, crammed between Amadis and Julia.  I could barely speak and pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.  Ouch!  Nope, this was real.  Why couldn't my life be normal again?

Laying on my bed with the covers pulled over my head, I tried to organize the last few days in my mind.  I moved from my dad's house because I was being searched for to be queen or to be killed by the kingdom's enemies, I had an enemy in a member of this house for no good reason, I was almost caught by Acquis yesterday and a giant rabbit wanted to eat me today.  What the hell was going on!

At that moment I heard Bethany open the door and quietly enter the room.  I reemerged from my hiding place under the blanket, my hair a mess.  Bethany laughed aloud at it and smugly began to put away her new clothes.

My frustration got the best of me.  "I've done nothing to you, Bethany!  Stop being so...so immature!"

I must have hit a tense subject with Bethany, for she immediately started screaming at me.

"I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE! I never asked for you to live here, I don't care if you get caught!"

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!  Tell someone on me, go ahead!  You don't have the guts to do it, I'll probably get killed if you do--"

"GOOD!  You'd deserve it, you're the most ungrateful person I've ever met!  You're selfish and rude--

"Me, rude?!  You've hated me for no reason since I first moved here!  You're immature and pathetic!"

"I am not pathetic!" Bethany screeched and threw her bottle of perfume at me.  I ducked, and then threw my pillow at her.  I'll admit, her weapon choice was better.

But rather than fighting back, Bethany leaned against the wall, holding her head like something was hurting her.  I stared at her in confusion until she recovered.  When she looked back up at me, I saw the most shocking expression on her face.  Her blue eyes were swimming in tears and were bright with desperation.  Her chestnut hair was dull and her cheeks sunken; it looked like she was losing a lot of weight in a short amount of time.  She breathed heavily, crushing her lips together as one fat tear wriggled out of her left eye.  One from the right followed and she turned away from me, twisting her fingers.

I didn't know what to say, so I left the room.  Give her some time alone so she could recover and fight with me again.  This wasn't over yet.

I went to the bathroom, washed my face and then returned to the room a few minutes later.  Bethany was sitting on her bed, reading.  "Hello." She said simply.  No sign of tears, nor anger.  I didn't know what to say, but realized my mouth was open in shock, so I closed it and went to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

The power was out.  I could barely see the little sticky scraps of pasta stuck to the plates I was supposed to be washing.  With a sigh, I placed the plates to the side and shook my head to clear my fatigue.  What a tiring week this had been....

Ever since that strange fight with Bethany and the day with the psycho rabbit last week, I'd felt jumpy and unfocused.  Something about her new attitude made me act like the world was upside down.

She was nicer, but it wasn't a "Hi! How are you?!" type of nice.  More like a quiet, polite type of nice with a creepy smile.  It looked like she was going insane sometimes.

Or maybe it was me who was losing my mind.

It was a good thing I wasn't afraid of the dark, because the pitch blackness in the kitchen was barely fractured with the flaming candles placed haphazardly by Viviana in different locations, like on the edge of the table and on the arm of the couch.

Another thing that strikes me as strange...I thought as I sat at the table to take a break.  Bethany, who was usually so insistent on sleeping at exactly eleven pm every night, had been out of the house later than that every day this week.  I'd stay awake biting my fingernails for a few hours, fall asleep, and wake up seeing her in the other bed.  She had to have come home past two or three in the morning every night this week.

I'd only been here a little over a week, but it felt like a month already.  Since the day after we went shopping, Antonin decided to put his foot down and say that I could no longer leave the house, even in a disguise.  Since I didn't feel like switching the food chain again and being dinner to a giant albino rabbit, I didn't argue.  But Antonin had another worry.  

Ever since that day, more Acquis had been popping up in Rechoi.  They were everywhere, pretending to not be on duty but randomly questioning people on the street of my whereabouts.  Antonin was angry and started asking Amadis, Jean-Luc and Julia if they had told one of their friends that the queen is living at their house, but they all fearfully responded no, and I believed them.  They seemed to understand how serious the situation was.

I began to have trouble sleeping without Bethany in the room, strangely enough.  It unnerved me so badly that some nights I would get up and walk around the house for an hour or two.

Two nights ago, I left my room in the darkness and was walking down the hallway when I saw a light in the little study room near to the living room.  I peaked in and saw Viviana, head bent over a book, hair in a messy bun and snoring a little.  She must've fallen asleep while reading.

"Tia Vivi," I shook her shoulder a little to rouse her.  "Tia Vivi, you fell asleep here. You should go to bed."

She looked at me groggily, rubbing her sore neck, and when she seemed to realize what was going on, she jumped in her seat.

"Oh dear, I fell asleep reading again.  I get so anxious and exhausted during the day so I never have time to finish a novel."  She smiled sweetly at me, and then patted the comfortable leather couch next to her desk chair to tell me to sit down.

I felt wide awake.  "How are you, Vivi?"

"Uh-I'm fine."  She answered rather hastily, nodding and smiling more than what was necessary.  "I...it's just..."

"What is it?"

"I'm just worried a little...worried about your dad, min ferman, my brother.  He's alone now and they've probably questioned him already about your whereabouts."

That idea hit me like a wave.  I hadn't thought of that!  I'd only been thinking that they were going to look for me, not question people related to me.  What if our enemies tortured my dad into telling them where I was?!  

"You don't think they'd take him away?  To bribe me, maybe?"

Viviana must have seen the terror she provoked written all over my face, so she responded quickly, "Don't worry, my dear Adriana, mina cuerita.  If that were true, you would've heard about it already."

When I didn't look satisfied, she said, "Your Dad knows how to protect himself, and he's never at the house anyway.  The killers don't know where he goes on Acquis missions.  And also, Raul's main priority is to keep you safe, so that should be all you're worried about as well."

I sat for a moment, bubbling with strange feelings of guilt and confusion.  I couldn't keep it in.  "He tried to protect my mom, but that didn't work, did it?"

I could feel the rebuke in the air before it came.

"Enough!" Viviana said sharply, slapping the desk in front of her so that little specks of dust floated towards me.  "Your father did the best he could with Annelise.  Do you know what really happened with that?  Why she was even hiding in the first place?"

"No...Could you tell me?" I looked up at her hopefully, every bit of pleading and coercion I possessed in my eyes.  "I don't know how my mother died...I don't know the reason I've been motherless for most of my life.  I was too young to know when she died."  I put a note of sadness and wonder in this statement, and watched the successful effect on Viviana's face.  The sides of her mouth drooped and the skin on her forehead became less contracted.

She held her hands together in her lap and responded quietly, "I'm not sure I'm the one to tell you that, Adriana.  I barely know the whole story.  Only Raul can tell you--"

"He's not going to tell me!  I've been on this earth for seventeen years without knowing, and he's never told me the truth about my mother's death.  That's why I'm asking you."  I was truly desperate to know, but I knew that no matter how much persuasion I used, she would never tell me either.

Viviana sighed, placing her elbows on the desk and her head in her hands.  She looked exhausted again.  Or perhaps she was just as good an actress as I was.  Either way, I cleared my throat and said, "You don't have to tell me.  I'll go back to bed now."

On my way out, Viviana stopped me.  "Adriana," she said pleadingly, "you have to protect yourself.  You know that if the murderers or the Acquis come here for you, concentrate on saving yourself and do not worry about us.  No complaints, please."  Her face was entirely serious and showed no signs of backing down, so I nodded in a resigned agreement and left her to her books.

I got up again to wash the dishes, preoccupied with thoughts of Annelise Jimenez's death.  All I knew was that she had been hiding for some reason, and whoever was looking for her found her and killed her.  Nobody would tell me anything else.

Staring out of the little window above the sink in frustration, I suddenly jumped and dropped the plate.  Then ducked.

There were people out there!  Three Acquisitioners!  S**t.  Once I dropped the plate, their voices picked up, saying things like "Somebody's in there!" "They're awake." "We have to find a way in!"

I wasn't able to think straight, my eyes darting everywhere and heart beating fast.  But I ran, crouched so I wasn't visible in the window, to wake everyone.  Bethany wasn't in our room, as usual.  Not bothering to knock, I pushed open the door to Antonin and Vivi's room.

They were laying on the bed, reading, not aware of the danger we were about to be in.

"Adriana!" Antonin gasped, taking off his reading glasses.  "What's wrong?"

Before I could answer, a sound of breaking glass sounded from the living room and I heard one of their voices, "We're in!"  The alarm was sounding, like a thousand trumpets and elephants and lions all screaming and roaring at once.

"What was that?!" Antonin said too loudly.  My eyes were completely round and my voice cracked as I tried to produce the words, "The Acquis are here.  They just broke in."

Viviana's mouth dropped open in surprise, and not a second later a husky male voice shouted over the alarm, "Will all family members please step into the living room, single file.  Adriana Jimenez, please come forward and do not make this difficult."

"S**t!" Antonin said under his breath, thinking fast.  "We'll wake Pierdo, and then get the other children." He nodded to Vivi, who immediately followed him out of the room, visibly terrified but resolute.

I stood still on the spot for a few seconds, unsure of what to do.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the door to the one of the children's bedroom open quietly and a little blue eye sticking out of the crack.  Julia.

She sneaked past the open door of her parents' room faster and silkier than a cat.

"Julia!" I hissed, but she didn't come back.  S**t s**t s**t s**t.  I had to follow her.  Crouching again, I walked along the edge of the hallway, holding my breath and heart pumping fast, until I came to a view of the living room.

Standing at the edge of the couch closest to the door were the Acquis, three tall, menacing-looking men.  The shattered remains of the large glass window next to the front door were on the floor.  At the other edge of the couch, standing petrified with her face lit up by the stub of the candle on the couch's arm, was little Julia.

"Ah, look what we have here.  A young patriot who gives herself up easily," One of the men kneeled, three feet away from Julia, with a mockingly pleased expression.  "Why don't you come with us, little girl?  And tell us where Adriana is hiding."

Julia was petrified as the man stood and slowly advanced towards her.  There was no time left.

I stood and ran into the living room, right in front of the Acquis.

"Get her!" One from the back shouted.

I grabbed Julia and flicked the candle sitting on the arm of the couch at the advancing Acquis' pant leg, which caught fire.

I ran with her, thinking the quickest way out, while the men were yelling over the fire.  The front door was between the adjoining living room and kitchen, but on the other side of the kitchen was a door that led to the side yard through which I could escape to the back and disappear.

It was then that I saw her.  Bethany, running faster than lightning, towards the door I was heading for.  

Without thinking, I followed her out of the door, holding Julia, while the Acquis kept trying to put out the fire.

It was jet black outside, and the grass squished with rain water and mud as I ran, following Bethany and shouting her name.

We ran to the back of the house where I presumed she would have a plan.  Once I turned the corner, I saw the hopeless scene in front of my eyes.  Bethany had led us right into the trap.

Three large white vans were sitting in the grass in the back of the house, and what must have been more than fifty Acquis were surrounding them and now us.

I couldn't think what to do and just stood there paralyzed, Julia wrenched from my arms by a strong Acquis.

"Leave her alone!" I screeched.  Bethany stepped forward indignantly but didn't say anything.  Julia was brought to the rest of her family, who were kneeling, arms tied behind their backs.  I looked at Bethany.  Why wasn't she being tied up?

"Well, here you are, princess.  You said it didn't matter if I told on you."  Bethany said smugly, crossing her arms.

I yelled and ran towards her before I could take more than a few steps I was restrained by the same Acquis who had taken Julia.  He seemed to be in charge, and Bethany was staring at him with admiration.  How could she actually have told on me...I was stunned that she actually went to the lengths of telling the Acquis where I was.

"Get her handcuffed." He nodded to Bethany, spit flying out of his mouth (some landing on me).  She looked scandalized.

"Me?!" She shouted as a guard seized her roughly.  "After I told you where to come!  Why do you never tell me the truth, Gerard?" With a strong push, she got away from the guard holding her and ran up to Gerard and me, clutching onto his arm.

"I love you!" She whispered, low enough that I could hear her but not her family nor any of the other Acquis.  "Don't arrest me, you wouldn't even be getting the reward if it weren't for me!"

The Acquis, Gerard, tried to act like he didn't know Bethany, and answered in a loud voice, "Miss, please retreat to the side of the lawn with your family or be forced there.  You are an accomplice in the hiding of the highest Esperanfort official and you and your family will attend court."

"What!  No-" I began, but Bethany cut in, screaming, "Gerard, you can't do this!  You can't arrest me!" She was thrashing against the arms of the two Acquis now detaining her.  They dragged her to one of the vans, where they were loading in the Cherlot family.  I didn't know what to say as I saw the Antonin, Vivi holding Pierdo, Amadis, Jean-Luc and Julia, all stone-faced and stiff-legged, being forced into the van.

Gerard, his arms around me shaking slightly, mumbled, "I'm sorry, Bethany..." but not anywhere near loud enough for her to hear over her own screaming, which was heard even once she was shut inside the van with her betrayed family.

The Acquis closed in on me.  I tried to use Cres to make some kind of shield in front me, but my powers seemed to be paralyzed.  A very young Acquis came closest to me and I spit in his face.

"You'll pay for that, you little s**t." A man behind him handed him some wooden plank.  Before I could do anything more than close my eyes and clench my teeth together, I heard the slice of air as the plank cut through it, knocking into the side of my head.  The next thing I knew was blackness.

Reviews

[snopadelic]

Awesome. Seriously. When i come home from work i'm usuallly really tired and i have difficulty concentrating but that i seriously truely enjoyed reading every sentence. That is one of the best chapter you have written. As you read urhter down the story its getting tenser and tenser.
I'm pleased you'v explained a bit more about the magic and the how its used. Also how Adriannas's powers are limited and self limited which is fitted in nicely and not too exposisiony.
At the start of the chapter I did think it was a bit odd for somone whose supposed to be hiding, of walking about in plain, which you covered with Adrianna bringing it up. However i liked the action scence it brought about.
I think you may have to watch Bethany comming across as a bit one dimensional. The other thing that slightly confused me is the change is Bethanys behavour was it her being possesed, or is beacuase she's fallen in love?
What you've done with Adrianna is clever, at the smart she comes acrossss as very willful and a bit spoilt however by this chapter we'v got to know her so well she know becomes likeable and her own character. Which i like the little plot development of her when she ask viva about her mother delibretly trying to manipulate her into telling hers something. This is keeping true to character whilst not putting you off the character, very subtle and very well done. Also i liked how she trys to help Julia at the end this for me was a really nice touch.
Genius .... this the bit about the pyhcotic bunny .... i loved that bit. It came very left field to me, worked so well, and original idea. I love the idea of everyday objects being turned against you and the idea of a Phycotic bunny i loved. The whole phrase phycoti bunny made me laught. I loved that bit.
This may come across as nit-picky but i'm going to mention it because its something i noticed when reading but feel free not to take any notice. When i read America and California settlement it kinda jerked me out of the page a little bit. Obvioulsy settlement made it slight different but it jerk me out. This i think is because ypou've created your new reality so well. Like they say you don;t have to make things completly realistic but you have to make peole belive in your reality. I tottaly belive in your reality, the magic etc but when i read california it slightly jerked me out of it. It's a small thing but i thought i'd mention it.
The end of the chapter is exceleent and the tension has been cracked up. I feel for these people hiding in the house. It moves along at pace, is exciting and you want to keep reading.
Even, thpugh i had a little suspision i was gutted to find out it Bethany that betrayed her. That comes across as a really dramatic moment and its ends perfectly.
This is really well written. This is very good read. It rates an awesome to my mind

Wow. Oh, wow. I really loved reading this. Each chapter just gets more exciting. I totally wanna know what happens next.