Pillar of Salt

murder

Like a pillar of salt

she stood, petrified,

 a freeze frame of fear

 

 There he was staring, 

 shooting bullets at her

 with piercing eyes beneath

 a fedora brim hat.

 

She had looked evil in

the face too many times before

and this time was no different.

 

He had found her; tense and frozen

in time.. he wasn't going to let her go.

She had played his game and lost

she knew she be dead by midnight

 

A roll of the dice with craps showing

in a boxcar to the next town

she had no where else to run

and knew this was the end of the line.

 

He knew what he had to do

he had marked her face with a blade before

as a token scar of what would happen

 if she tried leaving him again

 

Her star would not shine forever

as a lady's luck runs cold

while he rolls lucky sevens

yes,tonight he would take her out

 

She knew what was in his armani suit pocket

 a loaded gun and silver switchblade knife

with her name carved on it and her life

he would make it personal and pernament this time.

 

He couldn't live with her, she had caused him too much pain

but he couldn't live without her, for it would drive him insane

so he ended it with a sharp slice to her throat

and a swift bullet to his brain

 

And the blood ran down the gutter

            with a muddy midnight rain

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Morgan Ashire]

I wasn't sure where this piece was going at first. As I kept reading I kept feeling as though the point of this was never going to come. Given as though it was written with no real rhyme scheme, the choppy flow that the reader picks up does a lot to help the suspenseful nature of this piece. I wasn't sold on it until the end, once the rhyme scheme came into play. Good finish. In my mind, a good save. It wrapped the piece nicely in a concise fashion, without sacrificing the imagery, or giving in to extra length. Bravo. I called on the river and you turned over a straight.

[KalliRose]

This is awesome, great work!

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so much..

[Wild Spirit]

The suspense is wonderful. Good job

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so much,

[Tate Morgan]

Mutual destruction well that is a new one

[The Analog Kid]

Very nice ending rhyming. You told this like a story. The suspense worked well!

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

A sad poem of 'if i can't have him/her no one can'.. very interesting it reads story like .. a fedora, loaded gun and a switchblade with her name carved in it..
Just the right touches.. last two lines.. fantastic.

Chloe

[.]

a delightful dark tale told so eloquently..

[Nothing Personal]

Sorry to be bumbly, but this girl in the pic is one hell of a lady..Don't you agree. It's sad she is dying..

[Nothing Personal]

The word I was looking for is noir. I read it in a review below..It the forty's crime noir genre..masterful..

[Nothing Personal]

There is a Tennysonian feel to this poem. I know you won't agree but what I loved most was the last two lines...Very poised.. a brilliant descriptive, tale of love turning to obsession and its repercussions.. It has attributive qualities as in his suits, the boxcar, the knife with her name on it.. It's a top draw murder poem..full points on what you've achieved here..