Pillar of Salt

murder

Like a pillar of salt

she stood, petrified,

 a freeze frame of fear

 

 There he was staring, 

 shooting bullets at her

 with piercing eyes beneath

 a fedora brim hat.

 

She had looked evil in

the face too many times before

and this time was no different.

 

He had found her; tense and frozen

in time.. he wasn't going to let her go.

She had played his game and lost

she knew she be dead by midnight

 

A roll of the dice with craps showing

in a boxcar to the next town

she had no where else to run

and knew this was the end of the line.

 

He knew what he had to do

he had marked her face with a blade before

as a token scar of what would happen

 if she tried leaving him again

 

Her star would not shine forever

as a lady's luck runs cold

while he rolls lucky sevens

yes,tonight he would take her out

 

She knew what was in his armani suit pocket

 a loaded gun and silver switchblade knife

with her name carved on it and her life

he would make it personal and pernament this time.

 

He couldn't live with her, she had caused him too much pain

but he couldn't live without her, for it would drive him insane

so he ended it with a sharp slice to her throat

and a swift bullet to his brain

 

And the blood ran down the gutter

            with a muddy midnight rain

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Morgan Ashire]

I wasn't sure where this piece was going at first. As I kept reading I kept feeling as though the point of this was never going to come. Given as though it was written with no real rhyme scheme, the choppy flow that the reader picks up does a lot to help the suspenseful nature of this piece. I wasn't sold on it until the end, once the rhyme scheme came into play. Good finish. In my mind, a good save. It wrapped the piece nicely in a concise fashion, without sacrificing the imagery, or giving in to extra length. Bravo. I called on the river and you turned over a straight.

[John the Baptist]

Well, some guys do require more attention than others. This one sounds like a classic stalker/controller. Such men are continually in fear of being abandoned and do not hesitate to use violence to control their mates. This one took it to the ultimate, a murder/suicide. The poet captures the grim climactic scene well. The end might have been different if the lady had considered concealed carry.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks John..she should have been
packing that gun..maybe ill ressurect
her and loan her mine in a new poem
lol..I so appreciate your reviews☺

[AYVID N]

What a gripping narration Fran. You set the stage, created that aura of fear and then came the swiftly delivered blow. Love turns deadly often and with disturbing regularity. You brought out that dark side of love beautifully here.

[Fran Marie]

yes..love can be a deadly adventure
This one was a tad bit dark now
that I read it again..thanx so much
for your kind review I s o appreciate☺

[AYVID N]

You’re welcome dear Fran 🤗

[Chris Shaw]

You carried the suspense all the way through and delivered an ending I wasn't expecting. A definite surprise element there. A tale well told with great imagery, especially at the end. Well done Fran Marie. I also enjoyed your posted imagery. Good job done.

Chris

[Fran Marie]

So glad you enjoyed this old one
from my archives..i s o.appreciate
your kind words on my poems
dear Chris;

[Robert Trakofler]

I took this to be a lover but at the same time Lady Luck too both couldn’t stay with him forever and he couldn’t live without both of those things particularly if he’s a gambler:) I like how you layed out the lines it was very conducive to the story and poem

[Fran Marie]

Hi Robert...yea..luck kinda ran out
for both of them..thanks so much
for reading..I s o appreciate your
words on my poetry;

[Shawna]

Interesting poem, great imagery!

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Shawna; so very much appriciated..

[potato]

Very well written. I enjoyed reading this piece, it is structured very well and has moments of great suspense that really keeps the readers attention all the way to the end.

[Fran Marie]

thanks for reading and commenting...much appreciated;

[Jamestown]

Well written and delivered!
I enjoyed this piece, it has a story that has happened to often
in real life: great flow!
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[RileyRedding]

You've mastered the suspense with this piece. I admit I was bit confused (as to) where this was going, but it had a very clever finish indeed. It's a bit tragic, but hauntingly beautiful as well.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks, Riley; so very much Appriciated;

[Cerise]

awesome, great work!.....:)

[Fran Marie]

Thanks so much

[Natalie]

Wow! I didn't know what to expect at first, but this is really good! Very intense. Thank you for sharing!

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Natalie, so vey much...