As the world turns

sonnet

As the world turns to face the day again

still a darkness dwells deep within my soul

once more I cross the threshold of pretense

 while fake smiles belie a mask of control

 A cheerless rain falls, its gloom fills the day

painting this aching heart of discontent

and somewhere beyond summer comes to stay

chilling sullen night air without relent

 O! that time could chase my emotions wrought

healing these sad feelings to having naught

filling the void of your absence anew,

erasing the heartbreak of losing you

      and so as the world turns to face the day

      I with my mask of pretense stage the play

Reviews

[Seth Cason]

Hi Fran Marie!
Wow-- this might just be the heaviest short poem I've ever read. God, depression sucks. And we have to wear a mask-- quite literally these days-- simply to protect ourselves from being found out. The commenter Poetic Beauty wrote it best when explaining how your poem is smooth and clear. But there's one suggestion that just occurred to me, something I've probably done myself but lacked the objectivity to notice. I think this poem is heavy in that there's no reprieve, no chance to breathe, and as though it's unapologetically honest, which should not be compromised, I felt kind of trapped. Maybe that's the underlying message of the whole poem, And besides, God knows that, in my own customized way, I've found myself inside that dark and horrible bubble. I hope you are doing better, my new friend. I wish you better than the best. Keep writing!

[Fran Marie]

That bad huh?
didn't mean to make
readers feel trapped
but yeah..i do tend
read moreThat bad huh?
didn't mean to make
readers feel trapped
but yeah..i do tend
to be a bit melodramatic
mostly when writing
sonnets I may exaggerate
the subject a tad more
than I should .a little
drama on the turn
starting ninth line
O that time...
yes love PB s reviews
she has a keen insight
on poetry
Thanks Seth for
reading; I s o appreciate;

[Seth Cason]

No, it's not bad by any means! I'm sorry-- I didn't mean to write anything hurtful. Every poem or story or song evokes something different to each individual. For me, personally, it felt like reading an articulate and legible page from one of my journals. And now that a few hours have passed I admit that my response was too immediate. It reminded me of some incredibly dark periods of my past, and it hit me pretty hard. And that's what a poem is supposed to do-- whether happy or sad or rebellious, it brings us to life. It makes us feel alive. So what I wrote was specific to me and me alone. There's no universal one size fits all interpretation. I'm glad you wrote this, You have to write this, we all do, we all want to understand and learn from each other.

And ultimately, I walked away remembering something that so convenient to forget, which is that I'm not alone.

I hope to hear from you soon, Fran.
Seth

[Fran Marie]

I have been having
glitches on my phone
or the site..
when replying my thankread moreI have been having
glitches on my phone
or the site..
when replying my thank
you s..here is the
rest of what didn't go
through.
That bad huh? didn't mean to make readers feel trapped but yeah..i do tend to be a bit melodramatic mostly when writing sonnets I may exaggerate the subject a tad more than I should .a little drama on the turn starting ninth line O that..

[Fran Marie]

No worries
I'm not offended
i did review 2 of
your poems..you
never replied..?

[Seth Cason]

For the record: About half an hour ago, right here in this very box, I responded to the above in the form of an honest, detailed monologue-- and then, for the second time this weekend, two of my fingers must have typed the wrong thing at the wrong time and was deleted. After ten minutes of shock, five minutes of cleaning the iced coffee I spilled over myself, and fifteen minutes of unrestrained sobbing, I'm back. To be honest, I didn't know how to respond to your reviews. I intended to, but I just sat staring at the cursor, empty-headed. I'm not one to phone in phony, generic, insincere replies, but I couldn't wait forever. So I threw you a friend request and "As the World Turns" caught my eye..

Look- I'm going to post this right now before these weird-a*s emojis sabotage everything again. I'll resume this on that newer poem you reviewed...

Seth

[Fran Marie]

I know Seth
and I do appreciate
you had given me a
fine review and i
do thank you
my poems are
a bit melodramatic
sonnets always more
exaggerated..

[Fran Marie]

I have to write
short phrases
or my replies
won't go through
on m y tiny phone
here.;
I need a new one
lol spilled your coffee huh?

[Seth Cason]

Spilled everywhere. My great-grandmother's maiden name was "Spiller," so it's genetic. I am so accident prone I should live out the rest of my life in a fluffy padded cell, for my safety and yours.

Coffee, coffee everywhere, and not a drop to drink. But damn does it smell nice in here! And now, we need to see about getting you a tablet or something... but how?

[Fran Marie]

Oh well; then Spiller
that explains it
it's in the genes
and on the jeans
yeah; I was thinking
I might get a tablet
and a new phone
also..gotta start
looking ;

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked how you used the language dear Fran.
"filling the void of your absence anew,
erasing the heartbreak of losing you
and so as the world turns to face the day
I with my mask of pretense stage the play"
I loved the above lines. I believe, I lost my true face many moons ago. Pretense face we carry in a man-made play we are forced into. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. You made the reader ponder and think.
Coyote

[Fran Marie]

Thanks John
s o. very much
I do appreciate;

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello my dear friend and you are welcome.

[Neville]

I have never dared attempt one of these .. and this is a good example of why .. tis just too darn good :)

[Fran Marie]

Awhh.. thanks
Neville for such
kind words
I so appreciate;

[Neville]

You are more than welcome Fran .. my pleasure entirely :)

[Poetic Beauty]

Hiding behind fake smiles is something familiar to me on different occasions. Emotions can sneak up and dwell within in our hearts for a spell. It’s not fun when that happens but with time it shifts

This poem was smooth and clear. Filled with truth and penned with sentiments that I can understand.

[Fran Marie]

Exactly ..emotions do
sneak up out of
the blue..so we try
to control it by pretense
glad you could relate
so well.but it eventually
subsides..glad it shifts
thanks PB

[Poetic Beauty]

You are welcome. Your poetry always tells a story or paints an emotion that the reader can picture or relate to

[Chris Shaw]

Beautifully expressed Fran Marie but the reader is not fooled here. This poem speaks to me about going through the motions when your heart isn't in it. Both grief and depression do that to you. You are missing someone big time and that hurts.

Chris

[Fran Marie]

you're right
Chris it's when
I think of death
and special loved
ones that passed on
I get the Blues..
depression is a bummer
thanks so much for
reading; I appreciate;

[John the Baptist]

This one is heavy with the sound of grief. Apparently there is an ongoing attempt to give the impression that all is well, but it is belied by the inner pain. Hopefully the speaker can find a counselor or confidante with whom to share these dark feelings. Keeping pain at bay can be an exhausting enterprise when attempted alone.

[Fran Marie]

so true
Writing about
it is what helps
me deal with pain
and grief..thanks
for reading John
much appreciated

[mattavelli]

Hello, Fran! :)
You've made depression beautiful here. I wish you true happiness. Thanks for sharing.

[Fran Marie]

Thanks Matt
I so appreciate it;