^ STATIC ^

A Collaboration Write~By Fran Marie and A.J. Smith

 

                              Static    
   
Static blared from the radio as we fought that night.
He had ragged me out with raw words
as bitter as acid rain
and the room grew darker with each hurtful word.

My God, what happened to us, to me, that night?
I wounded her with poisonous words
From where did they come?
I could see the pain I inflicted reflected in her eyes

I had no idea why we were fighting, yet again.
I've always given him free range in our marriage.
Perhaps for some reason I just didn't understand.
 
Where once we sought understanding with respect
we now diverged along our separate, lonely paths
our souls no longer in tune, lost in white noise

Nevertheless, I clung to the remote chance that
one day we just might get it right
and refresh our relationship, just for the
record and rub out this constant static

I long for our wavelengths to connect once again
returning to our sweet harmony
But I have lost my way,withdrawing farther
in distance from her and the stillness
between us is disconcerting

yet here we sit opposite one another
in silence so deafening, hammering at my heart
If only he would open up to me
share his emotional solitude ~telling me
his thoughts, his fears doesn't he know
I would understand and comfort him
 
 
The volume fades on us
and I am not sure
we can retrieve what has ebbed away
leaving us together
yet so alone

Has our  love died?
I fear it has and all
that remains are tattered torn hearts
with remnant silhouettes
 of two tarnished souls

Author's Note

Fran's Stanzas are 1,3,5,7,9
A.J.'s Stanzas are 2.4.6.8

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

You guys did a wonderful job on this. It is such a vivid picture your words paint. I really enjoy this and wish you tons of luck with the contest. I always love to see two writers come together so flowingly and to create art such as this.


Great Job!!!!!!

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A great collaberation, wonderfully written. You's work so well together.

Brilliant!

[Lori]

WONDERFUL! It's filled with tension and powerful drama. It's just so compelling!

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

wow that was very powerful , tho' i was lost until i say the authors note... i thought it was wrong in the second stanza but i stand corrected. beautifully worked and the flow between the two of you is extrodinary. well written and a great read

[Reuben Porter]

Wonderful job, I'm surprised at how many people are doing these collaboration pieces, I must see if I can get my girl to do one with me. Great work Fran and A.J. !

[BrightEyes]

a wonderful write - I loved beginning with the static on the radio - like a backdrop for the chaos reigning at the moment - a poignant tale of love lost - due to pride and misunderstanding. fantastic job to you both!

laura

[desertraven]

Oh, very well done! Congrats!
Sandra

[[untitled]]

You two did wonderful at expressing the way you feel here...

[Rain]

Oh, that loss of passion, the safety of mundaness, the giving up. He/she will be there tomorrow. That happens so much in many marriages. The love is still there, but it's gotten to comforable. In the beginning , a fight of words brought desperate feelings " The love is gone"..as the years pass you realize no-one is going anywhere and you take it for granted. Great blend. Rain..

[None]

An excellent job reliving the pain over time and relaying it in a fresh and unique way. I love the title and how you wrote it into the poem. A very meaningful collaborative work and well written!

[Tania Leigh]

Excellent collab! Two great minds coming together :-)

I would have a difficult time selecting a favourite stanza here....they meshed beautifully.

Your competition in the contest should be very afraid!