^ STATIC ^

A Collaboration Write~By Fran Marie and A.J. Smith

 

                              Static    
   
Static blared from the radio as we fought that night.
He had ragged me out with raw words
as bitter as acid rain
and the room grew darker with each hurtful word.

My God, what happened to us, to me, that night?
I wounded her with poisonous words
From where did they come?
I could see the pain I inflicted reflected in her eyes

I had no idea why we were fighting, yet again.
I've always given him free range in our marriage.
Perhaps for some reason I just didn't understand.
 
Where once we sought understanding with respect
we now diverged along our separate, lonely paths
our souls no longer in tune, lost in white noise

Nevertheless, I clung to the remote chance that
one day we just might get it right
and refresh our relationship, just for the
record and rub out this constant static

I long for our wavelengths to connect once again
returning to our sweet harmony
But I have lost my way,withdrawing farther
in distance from her and the stillness
between us is disconcerting

yet here we sit opposite one another
in silence so deafening, hammering at my heart
If only he would open up to me
share his emotional solitude ~telling me
his thoughts, his fears doesn't he know
I would understand and comfort him
 
 
The volume fades on us
and I am not sure
we can retrieve what has ebbed away
leaving us together
yet so alone

Has our  love died?
I fear it has and all
that remains are tattered torn hearts
with remnant silhouettes
 of two tarnished souls

Author's Note

Fran's Stanzas are 1,3,5,7,9
A.J.'s Stanzas are 2.4.6.8

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

You guys did a wonderful job on this. It is such a vivid picture your words paint. I really enjoy this and wish you tons of luck with the contest. I always love to see two writers come together so flowingly and to create art such as this.


Great Job!!!!!!

[MomzillaNC]

Powerful and moving. The perspective from both sides presented honestly… laid bare and raw.

[Hendrix]

A very good poem Fran.

[Ivory]

This was a wonderful piece...
I connected with it on a very personal level, i enjoy poems that the reader can truely relate too.
You guys did a excellent job.. : )

[Pakino]

Interesting piece.

[Tony Hwilka]

I had to stop and read it over again stanza 1,2 & 3 because I was confused of the transition. First she was speaking and then he then she again until I read the authors notes. The poem is great but you have to make the transition smoother. Maybe reverse stanza 3 & 2. Only my opinion.

[Riverdance]

You guys worked amazingly together with this!
I loved the metaphors of the relationship being compared to waves and static.
It takes so little to bring those waves out of sync, but once found again the pureness is worth the effort.

Beautiful. =)

Thanks for sharing!

~Rd

[Daisy]

this is something pretty amazing. although I felt sad at the end I could undertsand what you were both saying and how the poem fitted together. really impressed.

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

I will not take risk taking time with the relationship criticism coz in my part, i dont have such purulent experience for my basis...


i can relate to the wavelength technicalities and the usurp deviation to static science which is wonderfully compared to love, relationship, divorce?, stagnancy..


this is the poetry where technical terms are dramatically intercepted, which in turn made a gradual display of what POETS ability that cud ultimately amaze their readers.

[pal]

just wonderful.
bravo.
pal

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This is a beautiful and powerful piece that has truely touched many lives because we forgetto take the time for just you and I. Great write by both of you.
Hugs debby